IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You had some photos of your family taken by a professional photographer. Write a letter to the photographer. In your letter - say that you liked his/her photos of your family - ask him/her to be your photographer at a special family event - give him/her the details of the event.

#photos #photographer #event
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Dear Jack, I am writing to express my personal request for you to attend
in
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apply
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the special day with your exceptional service. Your
last
 professional work which
were
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was
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 photos satisfied all members of my family, especially my mother's sensitive character. Your job was greatly appreciated and many thanks for your assistance.
Firstly
, let me explain my position. I have a birthday party after a week which is going to take place in a cafe of center
garden
Correct article usage
the garden
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. I have invited my colleagues, old friends, neighbours and
also
 some of my parents' relatives who are coming from Turkmenistan. I guess , it will be
unforgettable
Add an article
an unforgettable
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 day for everyone's life, because I have planned more enjoyable things. So I need a professional photographer who
is
Verb problem
will
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 take attractive photos
from
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of
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this
 party
for
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to
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 take a look
or
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at or
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 remember after ten years. And could you separate your time to attend the party
in
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on
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eleventh
Correct article usage
the eleventh
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March
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of March
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.
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?
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 I would be grateful if you could
spent
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spend
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 your whole day
for
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on
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 my birthday. I
hadn't
Wrong verb form
haven't
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 offered
this
 work to other photographers , because you are
best
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the best
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 one who
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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I know. I hope you won't reject my request. I would appreciate
to
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apply
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the opportunity to meet with you to discuss your plans and suitable
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 for both of us. You can contact me on my mobile phone which is:198837990. I look forward
hearing
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to hearing
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 from you soon!
Your
Correct the word
Yours
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 sincerely, Nozigul.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance logical structure. Here, your introduction and body are well defined, but the conclusion can be strengthened by summarizing your request and expressing gratitude once more for the potential service.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas/thoughts. This is done reasonably well in your letter, but make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a cohesive flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task by mentioning how you liked the photographer's work, requesting their services for an event, and providing details about the event. This has been accomplished well, showing good task achievement.
Task Achievement
The tone of your letter is appropriately formal and polite, which is suitable for writing to a professional. However, pay attention to small errors in grammar and punctuation to maintain this formal register.
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