IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child’s education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer. And include any relevant experience from your own knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sports
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in the physical and mental development of
children
Use synonyms
, offering benefits that extend far beyond physical health.
Team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
,
in particular
Linking Words
, foster essential life skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication, collaboration, and a strong sense of
team
Use synonyms
 spirit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that learning to play
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 should be an integral part of a child's education. First and foremost, communication and collaboration are key elements in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
, as success depends on players’ ability to adapt to different situations and strategies throughout the game.
For example
Linking Words
, in soccer, forwards need the support of midfielders to sustain an attack,
while
Linking Words
 defenders and the goalkeeper coordinate to counter the opponent's advances. Ultimately, the outcome reflects how well the
team
Use synonyms
 played together rather than the performance of a single player.
This
Linking Words
team
Use synonyms
-based approach teaches
children
Use synonyms
 the value of unity and coordination, valuable lessons that they can apply in school and beyond.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 instil a sense of selflessness and prioritise group achievements over individual ones.
For instance
Linking Words
, in football, a player might pass the ball to a teammate with a better chance of scoring, putting the
team
Use synonyms
's success above personal glory. In the same spirit, when a
team
Use synonyms
 loses, responsibility is shared collectively rather than blaming an individual, teaching resilience and accountability. These qualities of teamwork and mutual support help
children
Use synonyms
 develop a sense of belonging and responsibility toward others from a young age. In summary, I firmly believe that
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 should be an essential part of a child's education. They not only build communication and collaboration skills but
also
Linking Words
 instil values of selflessness and
team
Use synonyms
 spirit. Encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to engage in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 helps them learn to prioritize collective success and fosters a community-centred outlook, making them well-rounded individuals prepared to contribute positively to society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance your essay, consider including a counter-argument to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic. This can help in making your argument even stronger by addressing potential opposing views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences flow naturally by checking the transition between sentences. Additionally, using a variety of linking words can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt with well-structured arguments.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples, such as those from soccer and football, effectively supports the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with a strong introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: