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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts, and grandparents) were involved in bringing up children rather than only parents.

#people #uncles #aunts #grandparents #children #parents
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some people hold the view that was close relative to participate in raising
children
, it would be beneficial
instead
 of only mothers and fathers. In my opinion, I tend to disagree with
this
 approach
due to
children
 are faced with contrasting styles with their
parents
 as well and their confidence and self-reliance levels decrease. The most axiomatic argument about the participation of the whole family in bringing up
children
 is that
children
 become involved in multiple personalities. Simply put, the type of behaviour differs from person to person,
that is
 to say, individuals
such
 as grandparents, and uncles, who have various beliefs and approaches, have a significant effect on the
children
's behaviour. In effect, conflicting ways with
parents
 can cause
children
 to not acquire the necessary skills for their growth when faced with different thoughts, morals and tastes imposed on them. Another compelling support for
this
 approach is that the amount of love and affection that individuals can give each other differs. To elaborate on
this
,
although
 close relatives try to take care of
children
 as much as possible, they cannot look after
children
 like their own
parents
. In fact, it is
children
 who have value for mothers and fathers trying to form a close family and heal the wounds of their
children
.
Therefore
, as
children
 notice that their
parents
 are absent and they do not spend sufficient time with them, they envision that their
parents
 do not love them. Thereby,
this
 lack of love will reduce
children
's self-reliance and independence and make them feel worthless to their family members. Raising a child by relatives and not only
parents
 can have negative consequences, including a decrease in self-esteem and independence,
as well as
 multiple personalities. Relying on the mentioned justifications, I reaffirm my stand.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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task response
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction. It's important to precisely state your opinion on the topic.
task response
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your position more convincing and your essay more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, and make sure each paragraph has a main idea that relates back to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show relationships between ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarises your main points and restates your opinion clearly. This provides a satisfying closure to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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