IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Many
museums
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 charge
people
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 for entry
while
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 other do not charge any money. There are few advantages and disadvantages at the same time which we will discuss. By charging folks for their entry can reduce the number of
people
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 who
visit
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 the
museums
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. The advantages of few
people
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 visiting the
museum
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 can be that
people
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 can see the antiques and gain knowledge effectively
also
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 less number of individuals can create ease for the
museum
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's management to give their services in a extraordinary way.
For example
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 : texila
museum
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 is visited by very few
people
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due to
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 its very high entrance fee but visiting
this
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 highly paid
Museum
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 give a
lot
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 of information about the old religion Gautam Buddha at the same time will make sure that you will get all the possible available services. So, by paying high value for visiting collections you get a
lot
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 of information, good services and free space etc. Disadvantages of
Museum
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 charging a
lot
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 of money is that if the admission charges will be so high than very few
people
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 will be able to
visit
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 the
Museum
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while
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 other poor but curious
people
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 will not be able to
visit
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 those
museums
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.
For instance
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 in Japan there is a
museum
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 by the name Juri. It is as good as texila
Museum
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 but it is visites by very few
people
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 because
people
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 of Japan are very poor and they are unable to pay
such
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 high price
although
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 they want to
visit
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 there for not a
lot
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 of
people
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 get to
visit
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.
therefore
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 not a
lot
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 of
people
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 get to
visit
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 the
museums
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due to
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 their financial situations. In conclusion : we can say that advantages of charging
people
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 for admission to
museums
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 charging
people
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 outweigh the disadvantages. By charging
people
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 knowledge, good service and free space is provided to
people
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 even though it reduce number of
people
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 for visiting
museums
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.
Submitted by Haris Khan on

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task achievement
Be sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to immediately provide a clear stance on the issue. This sets the tone for the whole essay.
task achievement
Providing specific examples to support your points enhances the clarity and persuasive power of your arguments. Consider using a wider range of examples and ensure they directly support your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical flow by using a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, for example) and transition words. This helps guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make an effort to introduce the topic briefly before diving into the advantages and disadvantages. A succinct introduction sets the stage for the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
To strengthen your essay’s coherence, conclude by summarizing the key advantages and disadvantages discussed and reiterating your stance clearly. This ensures a strong, cohesive argument.
task achievement
Review the essay for any grammatical or syntactical errors to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing. Minor errors can detract from the reader's overall understanding and impression.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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