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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #city #countryside #choice
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Some argue that raising their offspring in the urban area is more advantageous,
while
 some argue that rural area has more benefits.
While
 the countryside
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly, the access to better
education
 in the metropolis makes it a preferable place for children to live. On the one hand, rural areas provide kids with a good environment. There is less pollution because there are fewer cars and establishments. People can breathe fresh air and they are closer to nature.
This
 gives them a chance to have a peaceful and healthy life.
For example
, kids in rural areas can do outdoor activities,
such
 as hiking, exploring nature, and fishing.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good environment in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 can lead to a healthy life.
However
, they offer fewer advantages when it comes to
education
.
On the other hand
, urban areas give kids access to bigger schools, colleges, and universities. It can provide them with diverse learning opportunities. Educational institutions in cities usually have computer and science laboratories, libraries, and gymnasiums.
This
 gives them better quality
education
 and refines their skills.
For instance
, in the Philippines, the specialized program for students
such
 as Science, Technology, English, and Mathematics (STEM) is only offered in major cities.
Thus
, I believe that living in the city is preferable because it gives children a wide range of opportunities,
such
 as better
education
. In conclusion,
although
 some prefer living in the countryside because it exposes their child to a healthy life, raising their offspring in the metropolis is more advantageous because it gives them an opportunity to have access to quality
education
 which can aid them in their future endeavours.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay directly responds to the task prompt by discussing both views equally and giving a clear opinion. Your essay should balance the discussion of both the countryside and city advantages for raising children.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint. Your essay should demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic through the use of specific, relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, strive for a clearer organization of ideas with topic sentences that introduce each paragraph's main point. Linking words and phrases should be used effectively to show the relationship between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay contains a clear introduction that outlines the topic and your stance, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your discussion and reinforces your opinion. This will help in presenting a logically structured argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
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