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Writing Samples
Band 6

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than on other factors. To what extent you agree or disagree？

#people #habits #age #group #factors #disagree？
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Nowadays, there are some arguments that shopping
habits
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 depend more on the
age
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group
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 they belong to.
People
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 who think that
age
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group
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 determine
people
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's behaviour usually based on social media trends. I think that it is not true, because there are many factors that can cause
people
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's behaviour when they shop.
firstly
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, in my opinion, shopping
habits
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 depend on lifestyle.
people
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 who have high standards in life tend to buy more products to satisfy themselves. in spite of they don't have enough money, they desire to buy something by using online loans.
for example
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, in the past year when online loans were so familiar, some
people
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 in droves registered for online loans and used the money that they got from them to buy things that maybe they didn't really need. they felt that belonging to new things expressed a high social position.
secondly
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,
people
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 who have stability in the economy will not limit their lust. they will buy everything that they need or want. Not only affect youth, but
also
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this
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 habit affects old
people
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. from
this
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 case, we can decide that
age
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group
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 is not the main reason.
finally
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, when online shopping was easy to access, every range of
age
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group
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 could reserve and buy things by themselves from their place or home. these facts refuse the opinion that shopping
habits
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 depend more on
age
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group
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. in conclusion, the
age
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group
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 may have a minor effect in determining
people
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's shopping
habits
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.
however
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, the contrast reasons depend on other factors. lifestyle, economic capabilities, and easy access are the factors that most cause the shopping
habits
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction
Start by clearly stating your stance in the introduction to directly address the question. Your argument becomes clearer to the reader from the beginning.
paragraph structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each representing a distinct idea or argument. You've done this well, but ensure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea.
supporting examples
Develop your main points with more detailed examples. While you've given examples, adding specific, real-world instances can better illustrate and support your points.
grammar and punctuation
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Errors can distract the reader and detract from the clarity of your argument. Consider more careful proofreading or using a grammar-checking tool.
argument development
Consider providing a contrasting viewpoint in your body paragraphs before refuting it with your arguments. This approach can add depth to your analysis and show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
conclusion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and restate your position. This reinforces your argument and provides a clear ending to your essay.
cohesion
Improve coherence by using linking words and phrases to smoothly connect your ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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