IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Animal extinction is becoming a major concern all over the world because it can damage biodiversity which in terms can cause a lot of unchangeable problems. Some of the
animals
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 are already extinct
while
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 some are on the verge of being extinct.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind the extinction
as well as
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 possible solutions to it. The primary reason for animal extinction is the loss of natural habitat
due to
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 deforestation. Human beings are destroying natural forests to get the land for industrialization, which forces the local
animals
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 to leave their homes. Sometimes they end up losing their lives in the process of finding new habitats.
For example
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, some of the wild
animals
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 like lions and cheetahs have been seen outside of the forests in most Indian villages;
as a result
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 of human interference in their natural homes.
Furthermore
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, Pollution is another reason for the deaths of the majority of the
animals
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. To illustrate, drinking water for
animals
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 in rivers and lakes in developing countries is polluted with harmful chemicals, which leads to their deaths.
This
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 issue can be solved with the help of the government. The government should make rules and regulations
such
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 as a ban on hunting to save endangered
animals
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 the Wildlife Act, India banned cutting off trees to protect the flora and fauna.
Moreover
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, the government should educate people about the necessity of
animals
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 to maintain the cycle of life on earth. It can be done at schools, colleges and local community centres.
For instance
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, most of the schools in India specifically teach about the environment as a separate subject.
Therefore
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, more and more people are being educated about the importance of
animals
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. In conclusion, the destruction of forests is the main cause of the deaths of wild
animals
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.
Therefore
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, educating the population makes a lot of difference in protecting the
animals
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.

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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement score, try to delve deeper into the reasons behind animal extinction by discussing more varied causes, such as illegal wildlife trade or climate change. Additionally, providing more specific and varied examples can make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, but to enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help your essay flow better from one point to another.
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