In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How do we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime

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In recent years, the

crime

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rate has increased significantly around the world, causing widespread concern among the public. In

this

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essay, some reasons for

this

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issue will be discussed, followed by two potential solutions which can be employed to overcome it.

To begin

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with, one of the key contributors to the high

crime

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rate is poverty and joblessness. Economic disparities can lead to a lack of opportunities, pushing individuals towards criminal activities.

This

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is evident in a statistical report of Canadian National

Crime

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Prevention which reveals that people from families with an annual income of less than 15,000$ are at 1.5 times greater risk of conducting unlawful actions than those from other higher income groups.

Additionally

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, the growth in the amount of

crime

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also

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attributed to the availability of entertainment options with inappropriate content. With the widespread use of the Internet, tons of violent

games

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and movies are uploaded on social media platforms, arousing human curiosity, especially young people, and stimulating them to imitate misconduct. To illustrate, the FBI reported that offenders who were affected by violent computer

games

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contributed to 50% of school shooting cases in the U.S. To solve the problem,

firstly

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, governments might consider increasing their investment in campaigns aimed at mitigating famine and unemployment.

This

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can be educational programs, training courses and financial aid to struggling families.

For example

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, locking down during the COVID-19 pandemic has made many Vietnamese students quit their universities because of financial shortages. Under

such

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circumstances, the Vietnamese government offers them vocational training courses and introduces them to employers after they complete their courses. Thanks to

this

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policy, they can make ends meet to support themselves and their families, avoiding the risk of engaging in unlawful activities.

Secondly

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, it is crucial for governments to have more control over online entertainment forms.

This

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can be done by strictly imposing more rules and regulations on creating content, especially for children, and setting up a legal age to access

such

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content. In conclusion, the rise in

crime

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can be driven by poverty and unemployment

as well as

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the easy accessibility of violent

games

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and videos which are available online. To deal with

this

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issue, governments should allocate more funds to social programs which emphasize minimizing famine and joblessness. At the same time, it is important to pay more attention to the videos and

games

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which are posted online.

Submitted by nguyenlyacbd on Tue Mar 05 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

To improve Coherence & Cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more clearly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate relationships between ideas and paragraphs, thus enhancing the flow of the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Make sure your introduction and conclusion are more concise and directly address the essay prompt. This clarity at the beginning and end will strengthen your essay's focus and impact.

Task Achievement

For Task Achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Consider expanding on how each proposed solution could effectively reduce crime, providing more in-depth analysis and evaluation of each solution.

Coherence & Cohesion

Incorporate more diverse and complex sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively. This will not only bolster your argument but also showcase your language proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

394 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

economic disparity
propensity
recidivism
deterrent
rehabilitative
judicial system
corruption
socioeconomic
alienation
stigmatization
decriminalization
enforcement
gentrification
preemptive measures
intervention strategies

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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How do we deal with those causes?

Your opinion

In some countries around the world, there have been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of homeschooling education outweigh the disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their health and fitness are suffering. What do you think are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym/helath club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at a primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages??