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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some feel the best way to children is to be strict while others allow their children more freedom. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Parenting is a difficult task, and each parent has their own approach when it comes to raising
children
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. Some
parents
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 believe that it is important to be strict with their
children
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 in order to discipline them,
while
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 others believe that giving them
freedom
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 will enable them to develop into independent
individuals
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. I advocate for strict parenting, as I strongly believe that discipline is key to developing an impeccable
character
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. When
parents
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 choose to be strict with their
children
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, they are fostering an ethical mindset.
For instance
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, when a child does something wrong or unethical, punishing them for their wrongdoings is necessary to teach them a lesson. By being strict,
parents
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 are better able to develop good
character
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 at an early age.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 can develop proactive habits in their
children
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 by ensuring strict routines,
such
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 as waking up early, cleaning their rooms, and exercising regularly, which leads to organized and disciplined
individuals
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. These qualities play an essential role in the
development
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 of good
character
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.
On the other hand
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, those who prefer to give more
freedom
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 to their
children
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 are able to foster an independent mindset at a young age.
For example
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, when
parents
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gives
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give
show examples
freedom
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 to their
children
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 in choosing their own choice of clothes. They are able to develop
Correct article usage
an
show examples
independent mindset allowing their kids to make quick decisions rather than being stuck when faced with a difficult situation.
This
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 ability to make quick decisions results in confident and self-reliant
individuals
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. These qualities will assist them in navigating a tough world.
However
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, does not ensure good
character
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development
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. In conclusion, even though
freedom
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 enables the
development
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 of resilient and confident
individuals
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, these advantages do not guarantee the growth of good
character
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.
Therefore
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, I believe
parents
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 should opt to be strict with their
children
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 rather than providing them with excessive
freedom
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, as prioritizing good
character
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 and morals could result in the
development
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 of ethical and righteous
individuals
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.

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task achievement
Consider improving the clarity of your arguments by providing more detailed examples for both sides. For instance, expand on how strict parenting might influence long-term behavior or success.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout your essay. For example, change 'parents gives freedom' to 'parents give freedom.'
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more effectively between paragraphs. Use transition phrases to guide the reader through your arguments, such as 'On the contrary' or 'Furthermore.'
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the conclusion by summarizing the main points made in the body of the essay before reiterating your opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, advocating for strict parenting and explaining the reasons behind this choice.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, moving from the point of view advocating strict parenting to the one that favors freedom.
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