IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
modern
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the modern
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 world, famous
people
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 receive too much recognition from the
media
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.
For
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this
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 reason, some individuals dispute that
these observable event
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this observable event
these observable events
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 may have some detrimental influence on
young
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the young
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 generation,
where's
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whereas
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 others believe that
it
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they
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 can be beneficial as well. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 will discuss both views
while
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 giving appropriate
answer
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answers
show examples
.
To begin
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, in some ways, it can negatively impact
to
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apply
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children. Nowadays many adolescence seems to compete with each other, especially when it comes to football players.
For example
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, because of
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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players
such
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 as Ronaldo or
Messi
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Messi,
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 some
people
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 may become rivalries in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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real life,
where's
Verb problem
apply
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debating who is better.
However
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, in some
circumstances
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circumstances,
show examples
 it may encourage them to be more
respectfull
Correct your spelling
respectful
while
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 showing famous
people
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's life.
This
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 factor may be beneficial,
due to
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 the fact that it may lead them to be more friendly.
On the other hand
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, there are some benefits
in
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to
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media
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 coverage. Youngsters might gain some skills and even find motivation through them in the way of their accomplishments.
For instance
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,
while
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 doing so they can easily achieve their goals.
Nevertheless
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,
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while
Correct word choice
when
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to these famous
people
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 youngsters may feel themselves under pressure.
Moreover
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,
imitating
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by imitating
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to
Change preposition
apply
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them, children alter their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and
hairstyle
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hairstyles
show examples
.
To sum up
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,
media
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 coverage of famous
people
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 can have positive and negative impacts on children.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 I strongly disagree that it has more
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
 sides on
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation as the
media
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 tends to inspire them through their achievements.

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While you have these components, strengthening the distinction between them can make your argument clearer.
coherence
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea clearly. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coh live
Connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task response
Address the prompt directly and develop a clear position. While you explore both sides of the argument, ensure your own opinion is clear and reiterated in the conclusion.
language
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and to hold the reader's interest.
support
Provide specific examples to support your points. While you mention general scenarios, incorporating detailed examples will make your argument more compelling.
accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Errors in this area can hinder the clarity of your argument and distract the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity culture
  • Glamorization
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Self-esteem
  • Scandals
  • Role models
  • Moral development
  • Mental health
  • Influence
  • Exposure
  • Social media platforms
  • Charity work
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Perfection image
  • Negative impact
  • Inspire children
What to do next:
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