IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that in our contemporary era, celebrities receive too much attention from the
media
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that these phenomena have a detrimental impact on offspring ,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that They can be beneficial in many cases . In
this
Linking Words
 essay , I will explicate both stances before presenting my consensus on the latter view. On the one hand, in some circumstances , It can adversely affect
children
Use synonyms
. Since , adolescents tend to compete with each other , especially when It comes to football players.
For instance
Linking Words
 , It can be seen everywhere how
children
Use synonyms
 are debating who is better Ronaldo or Messi and causing rivalries among them.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the public in many situations tries to encourage them to be a community by illustrating how famous
people
Use synonyms
 respect each other.
This
Linking Words
 factor can be valuable as it transforms them into a more friendly society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the
media
Use synonyms
 coverage of icons has some benefits. Young
people
Use synonyms
 can gain some motivation and inspiration by observing high-profile individual's accomplishments.
For instance
Linking Words
 , the
media
Use synonyms
 mostly shows how celebrities achieve their goals in the face of pressure from others.
Such
Linking Words
 kind of news generally triggers inspiration and a desire to work hard on themselves. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 is a Japanese youngster who was motivated by Cristiano Ronaldo when everyone was humiliating him . After 4 years,
this
Linking Words
 player has become one of the best in Japan and
furthermore
Linking Words
 , now he plays a pivotal role in his team. Despite all these advantages , sometimes, the
media
Use synonyms
 shows inappropriate things about famous
people
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , the public recently showed Dani Alves who was accused of vandalism. It can
therefore
Linking Words
 be concluded that
media
Use synonyms
 coverage of stars can have positive and negative influence on young
children
Use synonyms
 simultaneously.
However
Linking Words
 , I vehemently disagree that It has a more adverse effect on
children
Use synonyms
 as the
media
Use synonyms
 tends to publish things which inspire our young generation.
Submitted by ruznadir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear stance is presented in the introduction and conclusion to strongly address the prompt. While your essay begins to do this, making your position more explicit from the start will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This includes connectors for adding information, contrasting points, and showing cause and effect. By diversifying your use of these linguistic tools, you can enhance the coherence and cohesion of your text.
task achievement
When using examples to support your points, ensure that they are detailed and directly related to the points you're making. This will help in developing more comprehensive arguments and contribute to a clearer understanding of your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity culture
  • Glamorization
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Self-esteem
  • Scandals
  • Role models
  • Moral development
  • Mental health
  • Influence
  • Exposure
  • Social media platforms
  • Charity work
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Perfection image
  • Negative impact
  • Inspire children
What to do next:
Look at other essays: