IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
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Nowadays, there is a controversial question about how much time teenagers should spend on
education
Use synonyms
. Some individuals believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation needs to have full-time before 18 years old.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 idea and propose my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, modern teenagers are more aware of their rules as pupils or students.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, more and more young people try to be more responsible not only in everyday matters but
also
Linking Words
 in questions of their
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, these days pupils might choose a sports career
instead
Linking Words
 of going mostly every day to
school
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, as they figured out that it is more appropriate for them and can help for future professional competitions.
Therefore
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, if
such
Linking Words
 people can have support from their parents, it is not necessary to have full-time
education
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, some people can not stay at
school
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 all day and learn every subject
according to
Linking Words
 the
school
Use synonyms
 program.
For instance
Linking Words
, children may have different levels of concentration and hard-working skills. It does not mean that they have to struggle with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time lessons, which may cause mental disorders,
such
Linking Words
 as depression
due to
Linking Words
 the inability to be like the 'normal' pupil.
That is
Linking Words
 why some individuals prefer to have online lessons at home or to extend their
school
Use synonyms
 program. I believe,
according to
Linking Words
 the aforementioned ideas, that the young generation can not be required to have
such
Linking Words
 full-time
education
Use synonyms
, because they may choose their own way of learning by themselves and do not suffer from the common principles of old educational methods.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more diverse and detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, work on refining your sentence structure to convey your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure your conclusion distinctly summarizes your viewpoint and the reasons for it.
coherence cohesion
You've done well in presenting a structured argument with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay engages with the topic directly and offers relevant examples, showing a good understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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