IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #happiness #factors #life
Human should take responsibility for their cheerfulness,
while
 others think that happiness relies on features in their life. In my view, I believe
people
 should make themselves happy
instead
 of depending on their life.
To begin
 with, it is understandable why some
people
 think their happiness relies on different factors.
This
 is because these factors might be their families, relatives, friends or even their colleagues at work.
This
 group of
people
 could make them happy by their polite behaviour or the opposite, they would make him or her upset.
For instance
, recent research indicates that more than half of
people
 worldwide would respond with pleasure to their colleagues
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the weather is sunny and not changeable.
This
 means that human behaviour is associated with the environment.
On the other hand
, in my opinion,
people
 should believe that a joyful life depends upon them and they should not be distracted by different kinds of contributors that might spoil their happiness. If someone is upset or disappointed in something, they could make themselves happy by doing their favourite activities
such
 as singing, or painting. These activities could make them forget the present situation and go in a meditative state which means a state in which
people
 leave time and space, and enjoy more in their singing or painting.
For example
, scientists
also
 suggest that when
people
 take advantage of their favourite duty, their body produces hormones that would affect them positively. In conclusion,
although
 there are some external factors for being happy, I believe that
people
 are solely responsible for their exaltation.
Submitted by baonhi260804 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Introduce the topic and your opinion in the introduction, discuss the two views and your own in separate paragraphs, and summarize your points in the conclusion.
coherence
Use a range of linking words to show the relationship between ideas and to help the essay flow better. For example, use 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'Consequently' where appropriate.
elaboration
Support your main points with more specific examples. Instead of making general statements, illustrate your ideas with clear, relevant examples that underpin your argument.
language
Work on maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay by choosing appropriate vocabulary and avoiding colloquial language.
task response
Address the task more fully by discussing both views thoroughly before giving your own opinion. Make sure you explore the reasons behind each viewpoint and how they relate to your own perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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