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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries the average of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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The number of
people
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 who have gained weight is increasing and their
health
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 status and exercise levels are declining across a wide range of countries. Some of the reasons for these
problems
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,
as well as
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 some steps that can be taken to address them, will be discussed in
this
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 article. In many countries, there are several reasons why
people
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's body mass is going up and they
also
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 have
problems
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 with their
health
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.
First,
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fast
food
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 outlets are increasingly preferred by a large number of consumers. It's clear that the majority of fast
food
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 restaurants serve foods containing fat and sugar, which leads to weight gain for those who often eat them.
Second,
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globalization is making it harder for businesses to compete and
people
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 must work more time. They must wake up in the morning so they can go to work and come home at night, which means there's not much time for exercise.
Consequently
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, many of these
people
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 have some serious
health
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problems
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,
such
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 as obesity and diabetes. To solve these
problems
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,
people
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 can do a few things. One of them is that
people
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 should be more selective when it comes to
food
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 choices. Because fast
food
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 contains a lot of
high cholesterol
Add a hyphen
high-cholesterol
show examples
 ingredients that are dangerous for your
health
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,
people
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 should avoid eating it.
Instead
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 of eating fried chicken and hamburgers, they should consume more nutritious ingredients
such
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 as wheat, oats, vegetables or fruit. The other thing is that in life,
people
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 need to do more physical exercises and burn more calories. Changing their mode of transport is one of the ways. They could switch from driving a car to cycling,
such
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 as by changing how they drive. It is not just making the body healthier, but bike riding
also
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 reduces air pollution as well.
Finally
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, body weight and
health
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problems
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 are now a common problem for many
people
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. Unhealthy lifestyles are largely to blame for the
problems
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, and there are several things that humans can do in order to solve them. In choosing their
food
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, they should be more selective and active in the course of their lives.

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Task Achievement
Focus on developing your main points with more specific examples. While you have addressed the causes and solutions, offering concrete examples or data would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on making your essay's structure more logical and interconnected. Try using linking words more effectively to show the progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a more coherent flow, ensure that each paragraph is centered around a single main idea, and use the introduction and conclusion paragraphs to effectively frame your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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