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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, people lived in the same place in their life. However, it is common that now people change their place and often live in different places during their life. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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People
Use synonyms
 used to stay in the
place
Use synonyms
 where they were born in the past.
However
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, moving to
another places
Replace the adjective
another place
other places
show examples
to live has become a trend in today's society.
This
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 essay explains the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and why I think it is a positive development. Many
people
Use synonyms
 choose to settle in new places as they enter
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 phase of
life
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 where they pursue higher education or work a better
job
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.
However
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, some circumstances
such
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 as the lack of
job
Use synonyms
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in the hometown may
also
Linking Words
 be the main cause of urbanization.
For example
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, a lot of
people
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 coming from rural areas in Indonesia move to Jakarta, which is the capital city of Indonesia, in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 finding a
job
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 as there are only limited jobs available in their hometown.
As a result
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,
people
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 often move from one
place
Use synonyms
 to another to look for better opportunities in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Although
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this
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 may have some drawbacks, living in a new area offers multiple benefits to the individual.
Firstly
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, it will bring changes to
life
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 as the aim of moving is to find better opportunities.
Moreover
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, not staying in the same
place
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 means that
people
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 get out of their comfort zone which will open more doors to greater things.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 get to learn about the culture and
custom
Fix the agreement mistake
customs
show examples
 of the new
place
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, so they gain new knowledge.
For instance
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, a friend of mine quits her stressful
job
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 in Medan to shift
career
Correct pronoun usage
her career
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 in Australia where she gets to experience
work-
Correct article usage
a work-life
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life
Use synonyms
 balance
while
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 getting paid properly.
Therefore
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, moving to a new
place
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 will bring positive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
development to many individuals. In conclusion, living in different areas is now popular among
people
Use synonyms
 because they want to experience new things in
life
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, and I believe it is a positive development that should be encouraged as it might lead to better opportunities in
life
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider adding more varied examples to further illustrate the points. This could enhance the persuasiveness and comprehensiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help improve the flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, setting a clear framework for the essay arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both the reasons for the trend and its impact as a positive development.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Relocation
  • Globalization
  • Career advancement
  • Personal growth
  • Technological advancements
  • Mobility
  • Urbanization
  • Quality of life
  • Cultural diversity
  • Family dynamics
  • Work-life balance
  • Environmental conditions
  • Global mobility
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Lifestyle preferences
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