in many part of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. what do you think are causes of this problem? what measures could best be taken to solve it?
Nowadays,
children
and teenagers like to spend their leisure time
indoors rather than outdoors. I believe that there are several factors that might contribute to this
issue. However
, this
can be solved by several measures.
One of the main reasons is the outdoor facility. In many places, residential areas are built without public facilities
, which means that some developers only build houses. Their concern is to provide a house without thinking about activities that may be useful for residents. As a result
, children
tend to spend their time
indoors because there are no places for children
to play outdoors. To tackle this
problem, the government should create more public facilities
for children
to play with others, such
as playground facilities
.
Another reason is the advancement of technology. Children
tend to spend their free time
with their gadgets. Many games
are created with their gadget, consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
children
have many games
and they will not be bored with games
on their phone
. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
As a result
, they will choose to play with their gadget rather than outdoor activitiy
. To solve Correct your spelling
activities
activity
this
problem, the
parents should be aware of the screen Correct article usage
apply
time
that teenagers and children
spend in their time
. The parents
should remind their Correct article usage
Parents
children
to play outdoors and restrict the
screen Correct article usage
apply
time
. This
is because playing video games
with their gadgets is not good for their health, especially their eyes.
To sum up
, the availability of playground facilities
and technology remains the key role for
producing Change preposition
in
children
and teenagers to play indoors rather than outdoors. Having said that, I am sure that the government and parents play a vital role in dealing with these problems by providing playground facilities
to children
and restricting the screen time
that children
spend playing with their gadgets.Submitted by rifkiw1205 on
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Task Achievement
Focus on expanding your explanations and providing more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. This can enhance the depth of your analysis and make your points more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will aid in increasing the cohesion and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement & Coherence & Cohesion
Consider including data, research, or hypothetical scenarios to add weight to your claims and examples. This approach can make your arguments more tangible and persuasive to the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite