IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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There is no denying the fact that
work
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 duration is the most popular discussion at all companies.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
hours
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 working should be shorter and employees should have a longer weekend, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that to be a significant issue in our society and we must resolve it as soon as possible.
To begin
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 with, every country has
this
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 problem and as a community, we must think of alternative solutions.
In other words
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, the majority of workers have been suffering from long
hours
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 of
work
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 and they do not have time with their families or do hobbies.
In addition
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, to get all tasks done
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
perfectly, we must climb to reduce the duration of
work
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 because the long
hours
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 make People nervous and confused.
For example
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, if the institutions minimise
hours
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 of
work
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 they will get a high performance and more concentration to do their tasks. Another Point to consider, the quality of life affects on working period. It is
also
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 possible to say that two-thirds of workers are foreigners and they must every weekend to travel their region,
subsequently
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, they need to get a long weekend.
Moreover
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, there are companies applying for 4 days to
work
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 and for 3 days to get a rest in order to boost their performance.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, small establishments apply
this
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 method to workers and they see a notable increase in profits and a high budget. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that long
hours
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 of
work
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 radically affect our lifestyle and I completely agree with
this
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 to reduce
work
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hours
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 to get a rest and a fresh brain.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay directly answers all parts of the question. While you have provided a general discussion about shorter working weeks and longer weekends, ensure you are specifically addressing the prompt by giving a balanced analysis or concluding whether you generally agree or disagree.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has an overall logical flow, but aim to make transitions between points more seamless to enhance reader understanding. Consider using more linking devices like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', and 'Consequently'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be more concise in your arguments and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Avoid overly complex sentences which may confuse the reader. Each main point should be clearly distinct from one another.
Task Achievement
You've included supporting examples, such as the case in Vietnam, which help to illustrate your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion nicely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is structured logically with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, indicating good organizational skills.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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