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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. what are Causes and Solutions for this problem?

#demand #food
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It is true that the need for sustenance is growing globally. There are a number of reasons behind
this
 phenomenon and some methods should be adopted by governments and individuals to alleviate the circumstance. There are 2 major factors causing the increasing
demand
 from many parts of the world. One of them could be the rise of the global
population
. The greater the
population
 rate climbed significantly, the larger the amount of
food
 needed to be provided in order to guarantee adequate
food
 sources for citizens.
For example
, products like vegetables or fruits which play an important role in people’s daily diet should be manufactured more to feed the
population
.
Furthermore
, as the living standards of people have improved, they tend to experience a more diverse range of foods
such
 as different kinds of meat from rare animals.
Therefore
,
food
 suppliers try to diversify their source of
food
 to satisfy the
demand
 of the public.
However
, there are several solutions that the international community could adopt to maintain a sufficient level of
food
demand
.
Firstly
, the government in each country should implement the
population
 control regulations.
This
 is because if the worldwide
population
 is managed to a minimum rate,
this
 will be a lighter burden on
food
 allocation. Each family,
for instance
, should only have one to two children.
Secondly
, there is a need for the international authorities to increase their income and provide technological assistance in an attempt to help them improve the productivity in agriculture. These approaches could be helpful for suppliers to meet the
food
demand
 internationally. In conclusion,
this
 phenomenon could be explained by some reasons, fortunately, there are measures that can be taken to resolve
this
 issue.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to explicitly link paragraphs and ideas using more varied cohesive devices beyond basic linking words. This helps to ensure that your essay flows more naturally from one point to the next.
task achievement
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to present your ideas and arguments. This not only demonstrates your language proficiency but also makes your essay more engaging to read.
task achievement
In the solutions section, providing more specific, real-world examples would strengthen your argument. Examples help to concretize your solutions and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Be cautious of general statements that lack specificity. Specifically addressing the intricacies of the topic can enrich your essay and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is well-developed with a clear main idea that is expanded upon with supporting details and examples. While you have done this to some extent, more elaboration and depth could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
For an even stronger essay, try to develop a more nuanced conclusion that doesn’t just summarize but also reflects on implications or proposes future considerations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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