IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that when people become old and need help financially, physically and mentally, young members of the family should be responsible to take care of them. Do you agree of disagree with the statement?

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Allegedly, old
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 assistance is given
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant attention. Some individuals believe not only can their
children
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support
Use synonyms
 their old parents in their financial problems, but they can
also
Linking Words
 aid them in physical and mental disorders, so their families play a considerable role in
this
Linking Words
 respect. I totally agree their
children
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 have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest responsibility in old
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
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, but sometimes they need additional assistance from governments. To commence, as far as I am concerned, When old
people
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 were young, they allocated most of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they strive to gain
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
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 budget to
support
Use synonyms
 their family members.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they endeavour to aid their
children
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 in many circumstances
such
Linking Words
 as school and university fees,
extra-curriculum
Correct word choice
and extra-curriculum
show examples
 fees, and even
attemp
Correct your spelling
attempt
 to purchase suitable
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and clothes for their
children
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, we can easily understand our parents
support
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 us when we have a lot of pressures in our professional and academic
lives
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, juveniles should respond to their parents’
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 when they become older, and
this
Linking Words
 is our main duty.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in many cases, authorities play a profound role in
aging
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ageing
show examples
people
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's
lives
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. Because, one day, elderly individuals were young
,
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apply
show examples
 and strived to improve the infrastructure of the
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
country
, so they
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 extra
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 when they
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 old.
For instance
Linking Words
, governments should allocate some funds for aging citizens in hospitals and drug stores, and enhance the insurance company’s responsibilities to assist old
people
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, administrations should improve the atmosphere of parks, because
aging
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ageing
show examples
 members go to parks to uplift their
spirit
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spirits
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 and gain positive moods, so it is necessary for their mental well-being.
Overall
Linking Words
,
children
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 not only must
support
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 their parents but governments
also
Linking Words
 should take some
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to
assist
Wrong verb form
assisting
show examples
 them in their
lives
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. In fact, all humans will grow old and remain productive in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 stage of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, so we should
support
Use synonyms
 them with appropriate attitudes.

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task achievement
Enhance your introduction by directly addressing the question with a clear thesis statement. This provides a solid foundation for your argument. For instance, 'This essay strongly agrees that family members have a pivotal role in providing care, albeit recognizing the vital support required from governmental institutions.'
coherence cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with a mix of complex structures and clearer topic sentences to strengthen your argument further. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. Avoid overly long sentences to ensure clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Add more diversified examples and evidence to support your claims. While your essay already includes relevant examples, increasing the variety and specificity can enrich your argument, making it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs using a wider range of discourse markers. Phrases such as ‘Additionally,’ ‘Furthermore,’ and ‘Consequently’ help in making the transition between ideas smoother and your argument stronger.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legally binding
  • Ethical obligation
  • Morally responsible
  • Familial duty
  • Financial burden
  • Public healthcare
  • Social services
  • Undue strain
  • Emotional toll
  • Resentment
  • Deteriorate relationships
  • Caretakers
  • Community support
  • Government programs
What to do next:
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