Some people believe that when people become old and need help financially, physically and mentally, young members of the family should be responsible to take care of them. Do you agree of disagree with the statement?

#people #members #care

Allegedly, old

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

assistance is given

Remove the article

apply

show examples

significant attention. Some individuals believe not only can their

children

support

their old parents in their financial problems, but they can

also

aid them in physical and mental disorders, so their families play a considerable role in

this

respect. I totally agree their

children

have

Change the article

the

show examples

highest responsibility in old

people

lives

, but sometimes they need additional assistance from governments. To commence, as far as I am concerned, When old

people

were young, they allocated most of their

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

their

children

For instance

, they strive to gain

appropriate

Correct article usage

an appropriate

show examples

budget to

support

their family members.

Additionally

, they endeavour to aid their

children

in many circumstances

such

as school and university fees,

extra-curriculum

Correct word choice

and extra-curriculum

show examples

fees, and even

attemp

Correct your spelling

attempt

to purchase suitable

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

and clothes for their

children

In addition

, we can easily understand our parents

support

us when we have a lot of pressures in our professional and academic

lives

Therefore

, juveniles should respond to their parents’

need

Fix the agreement mistake

needs

show examples

when they become older, and

this

is our main duty.

On the other hand

, in many cases, authorities play a profound role in

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

people

lives

. Because, one day, elderly individuals were young

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and strived to improve the infrastructure of the

countires

Correct your spelling

countries

country

, so they

require

Wrong verb form

required

show examples

extra

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

when they

get

Wrong verb form

got

show examples

old.

For instance

, governments should allocate some funds for aging citizens in hospitals and drug stores, and enhance the insurance company’s responsibilities to assist old

people

In addition

, administrations should improve the atmosphere of parks, because

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

members go to parks to uplift their

spirit

Fix the agreement mistake

spirits

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and gain positive moods, so it is necessary for their mental well-being.

Overall

children

not only must

support

their parents but governments

also

should take some

responsibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

responsibility

show examples

assist

Wrong verb form

assisting

show examples

them in their

lives

. In fact, all humans will grow old and remain productive in

their

Change the word

the

show examples

last

stage of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, so we should

support

them with appropriate attitudes.

Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on Tue Mar 05 2024

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task achievement

Enhance your introduction by directly addressing the question with a clear thesis statement. This provides a solid foundation for your argument. For instance, 'This essay strongly agrees that family members have a pivotal role in providing care, albeit recognizing the vital support required from governmental institutions.'

coherence cohesion

Develop your paragraphs with a mix of complex structures and clearer topic sentences to strengthen your argument further. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. Avoid overly long sentences to ensure clarity and coherence.

task achievement

Add more diversified examples and evidence to support your claims. While your essay already includes relevant examples, increasing the variety and specificity can enrich your argument, making it more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Work on linking ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs using a wider range of discourse markers. Phrases such as ‘Additionally,’ ‘Furthermore,’ and ‘Consequently’ help in making the transition between ideas smoother and your argument stronger.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Legally binding
Ethical obligation
Morally responsible
Familial duty
Financial burden
Public healthcare
Social services
Undue strain
Emotional toll
Resentment
Deteriorate relationships
Caretakers
Community support
Government programs

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Some people believe that when people become old and need help financially, physically and mentally, young members of the family should be responsible to take care of them. Do you agree of disagree with the statement?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As well as making money, businesses also have responsibilities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In some countries, companies allow people to work from home. In others, people are still expected to work in an office. Discuss both views

People believe that not all school children have the natural ability to learn a new language. This means is not right to force all school children to study a foreign language. Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people think that only way to judge someone's success in business is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of success of a business? In what other ways could success in a business be measured?