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Band 4

In some areas of the USA, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion aboout this?

#areas #usa #‘curfew’ #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult #aboout
In some cities of the USA, a 'curfew is imposed, in which
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 allowed . They should go out with adults ,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night.
In my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 opinion, I particularly
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
 low, because small boys and girls walking alone in the street,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is dangerous
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. To
explanation
Replace the word
explain
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, cities
is have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a many of cars and cars are very fast
although
, people's
children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not allowed
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
 out alone.
For example
, in the week there were many accidents and it is
accident
Add an article
an accident
show examples
 with
babbies
Correct your spelling
babies
show examples
 so it is
awful
Correct article usage
an awful
show examples
 condition.At all
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
we do not carefully .
As a result
,
teenagers
diead
Correct your spelling
die
 early
due to
 an accident, and it is shocking.
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
, we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
must be more
carefully
Change the word
careful
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
teenagers
 so they are
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things and sometimes they are very angry
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 because
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
is prohibits
Wrong verb form
prohibit
show examples
 many things
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 stress,
Although
children
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 bad. Encourages family bonding by ensuring
teenagers
 spend more evenings at home with family members
for example
, being together at a beautiful table in the family circle has a positive effect on
children
 , so spend more time with your
children
 and be more attentive to them. Family issues
is or
Verb problem
are
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
kindly
Replace the word
kindness
show examples
 for
teenagers
. So they are benefit for all of
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
show examples
.
Could
Correct pronoun usage
This could
show examples
 create a
sens
Correct your spelling
sense
show examples
 of mistrust between generations, as
teenagers
 might feel overly controlled or
disturested
Correct your spelling
distressed
distracted
distrusted
 by adults. In conclusion, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 always busy
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 work and do not care about
bairns
Correct article usage
the bairns
show examples
 and it is
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 so we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be
carefully
Change the word
careful
show examples
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
brains
Correct pronoun usage
our brains
show examples
, we are responsible for it.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the topic, but your points are not fully developed and lack clear explanations and relevant examples. Try to more explicitly state your opinion and support it with specific reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a clear essay structure with an introduction that outlines your viewpoint, body paragraphs that develop your arguments, and a conclusion that summarises your essay. Use linking words to help the reader follow your argument.
general
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. This will make your essay easier to understand and more coherent.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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