IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

New forms of money are becoming extremely popular nowadays. Is this a positive development or adding risk to the system? Should new money technology face greater regulation and scrutiny? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#forms #money #development #risk #system #technology #face #regulation #scrutiny #minutes
The popularity of new
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of money is growing these days. Nowadays
people
 mostly use credit
cards
 for
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 convenience. But it
also
 has a harmful side. It is considered dangerous to buy through it. On the one hand, there are many reasons why
people
 use credit
cards
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they need it many times.
People
 like it because it is comfortable for
people
 .
For example
, imagine that you really need something and you don't have time to go to the store. You can pay it by card and order it . That's why it is a very cool thing. Another good thing is that it is easier to make purchases with it than with cash ,cash which means you do not have to spend time counting it.
On the other hand
, it has a downside. It is comfy.
However
, it is easy to make from it. At present , credit
cards
 are becoming more and more easy for hackers. They call
people
 and steal their
cards number
Fix the agreement mistake
card numbers
show examples
 by lying to them.
For instance
,
according to
 some
datas
Correct your spelling
data
, despite the fact that the number of
people
 who
making
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 easy money
that is
 hackers is decreasing, the number of humans affected by their work is increasing. In conclusion, it is good to have a new form of money , but it is improved more and hackers are stopped. It will be good for all
people
's
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 for it will increase, I am sure. Many individuals will be happy with it.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance your score in task achievement, it is crucial to ensure that you respond completely to all parts of the question. This includes discussing whether the rise of new forms of money is a positive development or adds risk to the system, as well as if greater regulation is necessary. Provide a balanced argument by exploring both sides thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. Use clear paragraphing to separate your ideas, and make sure the transition between sentences and paragraphs is smooth. This will help you to present your arguments in a more structured and understandable manner.
Supported Main Points
Consider expanding on your main points by providing more detailed explanations and incorporating a wider range of specific examples. This will help solidify your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cryptocurrencies
  • Digital payment platforms
  • Blockchain
  • Transaction costs
  • Financial services
  • Volatility
  • Consumer protection
  • Fraud
  • Financial stability
  • Regulation
  • Scrutiny
  • Innovation
  • Decentralized finance (DeFi)
  • Economic landscape
  • Cybersecurity
  • Money laundering
  • Central bank digital currency (CBDC)
What to do next:
Look at other essays: