Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's society, several countries have invested a lot to train athletes for

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

major

competitions

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as the Olympic Games and the football World Cup.

However

Linking Words

, some people hold the belief that

this

Linking Words

revenue should be used to inspire

children

Use synonyms

to take up

sports

Use synonyms

at a young age. From my perspective, the governments should allocate their funds to both. On one hand, there are some merits to preparing competitors to participate in

such

Linking Words

major

competitions

Use synonyms

To begin

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with, these

competitions

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are able to enhance and showcase the comprehensive abilities of a

country

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since they are generally international and always involve countries from all around the world. Athletes from different countries compete on the same stage. If they are rewarded with a prize, it indicates the

country

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's advantage.

Furthermore

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, it not only plays a vital role in the

sports

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industry but

also

Linking Words

benefits other aspects.

For instance

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, when the performance of an athlete is outstanding, the audience's

interests

Fix the agreement mistake

interest

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in the

country

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where the athlete comes from will be triggered.

Then

Linking Words

, they may take a trip there.

As a result

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, tourism can

also

Linking Words

be promoted in

this

Linking Words

way.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, encouraging

children

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to actively participate in physical activities has a positive and profound influence on a

country

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's development.

Firstly

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, physical activities improve the mental and physical health of

children

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. Meanwhile,

children

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are the next generation to devote themselves to the construction of society.

Therefore

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, only when the

children

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have a well-being health condition, can we have sustainable development.

Additionally

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, enabling

children

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to do some

sports

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from an early age can

also

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be considered as a preparation for major

competitions

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. The reason behind

Correct pronoun usage

this

show examples

is that kids who have

sports

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talents are easier to find and develop their potential as soon as possible.

Hence

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, there are multiple advantages to making kids take up

sports

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by spending revenue on it. In conclusion, whether it is spending finances on preparing professional athletes or encouraging

children

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to play

sports

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, there are benefits that we cannot ignore.

Accordingly

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, we cannot simply believe that spending money on one of them would be better.

Submitted by Amber on Wed Mar 06 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. You have presented a balanced view but could enhance your argument by offering more detailed examples and demonstrating how these align more closely with the essay prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance your essay's coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows logically into the next. Consider using more varied transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader through your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

To bolster cohesion, work on creating clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. This will help in maintaining focus and ensuring that each paragraph contributes effectively towards your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

348 words

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Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

When we meet someone for the first time, we generally decide very quickly what kind of person we think they are and if we like them or not. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?