IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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A lot of countries are witnessing that the
people
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 who live in
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Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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 are emigrating to
cities
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,
hence
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 the population of
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Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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 is reducing. I believe that
this
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 is a negative phenomenon, and I will inspect that in
this
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 essay.
Due to
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 that the Individuals in rural areas are travelling to urban spots,
the
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and the
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 population of
cities
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 are growing day by day, which leads to some drawbacks for
cities
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.
For example
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, the congestion
of
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in
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cities
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 is growing and that leads to pollution. Since
,
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apply
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 more
people
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 are living in
cities
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, they use more vehicles,
more
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and more
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 fossil fuels are burned which plays a crucial role in increasing air pollution.
Also
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,
people
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 are to be tackled more with traffic jams. All of them are going to
make
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cause
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 a lot of chaos.
Furthermore
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, as there are
less
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fewer
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people
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 in
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Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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, the number of individuals who pursue agriculture will decrease, which has many consequences. the most important thing in
people
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's lives is food, and countries need
labours
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labourers
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for maintaining
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to maintain
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 the
agriculture
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agricultural
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 lands
and
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apply
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without
a
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apply
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surveillance
to
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of
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 the lands, they are going to become infertile which leads to food scarcity.
While
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,
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apply
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 nowadays more
people
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 especially youngsters prefer to leave rural life and
do
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apply
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not work on
land
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the land
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,
Instead
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 they choose to work in
cities
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. In conclusion,
people
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 are choosing to live in city spots as opposed to
stay
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staying
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 in
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Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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, albeit
this
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 is followed by some disadvantages,
such
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 as a dramatic increase in city dwellers
than
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that
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 cause congestion and pollution in
cities
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, and
also
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 the decrease in farmers that leads to food scarcity.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction fully paraphrases the question and clearly states your position. This essay would benefit from a more explicit statement of your viewpoint in the introduction.
Task Achievement
To enrich your argument, use a wider range of specific examples. While you have presented reasons for the negative impact of urban migration, incorporating specific research findings, statistics, or case studies could make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow between ideas. Consider using more cohesive devices and varied sentence structures to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
A brief summary of your argument in the conclusion increases its impact. Reinforce your stance with a compelling final statement that echoes the main points discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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