IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Public
health
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 is a major concern in the community.
Although
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 many
people
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 consider increasing the
sports
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amenities
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 can improve public
health
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, others believe that there are
also
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 numerous factors that affect public
health
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. In my opinion,
health
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care
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along with
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 physical activities can
excel
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 public
health
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. Many
people
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 are of the opinion that an increase in
sports
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facilities
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 has strong implications for mental and physical well-being. If there are lots of
sports
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 centres,
people
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 will spend plenty of time on exercises which will help them to keep fit. All those societies where there is an abundance of fitness clubs, gyms, and stadiums lead happy lives.
For instance
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,
people
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 living in posh areas often have access to sporting
amenities
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as a result
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 most of them have healthy lives.
Thus
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,
people
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 want to extend the coverage of sporting
amenities
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.
Conversely
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,
sports
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facilities
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 are not enough to mitigate the
publich
Correct your spelling
public
health
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 challenges. There are numerous other contributing factors that need to be accommodated
such
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 as
health
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care
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facilities
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. Authorities around the world particularly focus on providing top-notch medical services to their citizens so that they can facilitate as much as possible.
First,
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psychologists are far more crucial as they can guide the general public on how disastrous stress
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be.
Then
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, doctors and nurses diagnose diseases in the early stages prior to sicknesses reaching chronic stages.
For instance
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, Japan has the world's best public
health
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 and
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 life expectancy is 80 years because of its
health
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care
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facilities
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.
Thus
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, the
health
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care
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 system is even more essential for public
health
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. In conclusion, even though
sports
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facilities
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 play a vital role in public
health
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, they are not enough,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
amenities
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 like
health
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care
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 even more important.
According to
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 me, both
health
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care
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 and physical activities improve public
health
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.

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Task Achievement
Try to directly answer the essay question in your introduction to make your stance clear from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Ensure you develop your main ideas with specific examples. This will make your arguments more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a stronger essay structure, start with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your viewpoint, follow with body paragraphs that discuss each view plus your own opinion, and conclude with a summary of your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words to connect your ideas clearly and show the relationship between paragraphs and sentences. This helps to guide the reader through your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity. Accurate language use contributes to a higher score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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