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Writing Samples
Band 4

The Following Diagram Shows how Greenhouse Gases Trap Energy from The Sun

The Following Diagram Shows how Greenhouse Gases Trap Energy from The Sun
#greenhouse #gases #trap #energy #sun
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The natural process illustrates how the
energy
Use synonyms
 coming from the Sun is retained by
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a complex process which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
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 two phases
includes
Wrong verb form
including
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 producing
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gas emissions and
energy
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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trapped in the Earth. The process commences with how the emission gases are produced, CO2 and other pollutants are always emitted by human activities
such
Linking Words
 as industrial
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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,
Correct word choice
and engine's
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engine's
Change noun form
engine
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 vehicles which can easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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release
the
Correct article usage
apply
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carbon dioxide.
Additionally
Linking Words
, deforestation is
also
Linking Words
 an important reason because there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 no more trees
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 absorb the carbon dioxide in the air to make it clean and fresh so the pollutants
is
Change the verb form
are
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 released into the atmosphere. Regarding the second phase of how these
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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trapping
Replace the word
trap
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energy
Use synonyms
, the Sun emits the
energy
Use synonyms
 and it reaches the Earth's surface as heat and
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 it warm.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, some of
this
Linking Words
 heat
energy
Use synonyms
 is radiated into space
whereas
Linking Words
 the others
is
Change the verb form
are
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 trapped by the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases so that it is reflected off
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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, leading to a warming effect.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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