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Writing Samples
Band 6

It’s sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and society. Do you agree or disagree?

#it’s #people #society
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Some
people
 opine that
people
 should get married before turning thirty. It is good for both society and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
However
, I disagree with
this
 argument wholeheartedly, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs. To start with, the
people
 who are under 30 are not stable in finance.
Furthermore
, some
people
 are not finishing their degrees, and some of them are still struggling in their work. Their salaries are not enough to support raising a child. Take me
for example
, after graduating from college, I lost my job four times. I do have a good job that I can do for a long time,
not to mention
 marriage.
That is
 the rich
people
's thing.
Therefore
, It is not a great idea for the youngest to marry someone. Another point I would like to talk about is that many young men can not have a wife, because girls are picky nowadays. They want their husbands to be rich, handsome, kind, and so on.
As a result
, too many
people
 are single. Women do not like most of the men. From my observation, I have seen so many young guys never have a romantic relationship in their entire lives. I think maybe it is good to marry in the early 20s, but they have to drop out of
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and face many difficulties. In the real world, a trend can be seen that most of us are not willing to marry, and the others who want to get married are the
people
 who get married in their late 30s. In a nutshell, it is hard to change our thinking. Young fathers and mothers have so many things
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to consider if they have a baby. For most of them, they can not afford to live.
People
 currently do not like to marry, and some of them are not interested in it.
Overall
,
this
 is an idea that can fit today's beliefs.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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Language Use
Introduce more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance articulation and avoid repetition.
Task Response
Consider presenting both sides of the argument in a balanced manner, even if you have a strong opinion, to enrich the analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of ideas and cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents your opinion and follows it through to a logical conclusion.
Task Achievement and Coherence/Cohesion
You have successfully provided specific examples and reasons to support your viewpoint, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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