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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

#people #areas #cities
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A large amount of people are moving to the cities every year for various reasons. Most of them are young generation who are trying to climb the career ladder through the opportunities available in the city. Even so,
this
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 phenomenon, which has become a trend among today's generation, could be an issue in the future. One of the problems that may arise from these circumstances is our society will encounter a challenge in securing employment. Living in the urban obviously will be beneficial for our professional growth,
however
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, not everyone is fortunate enough to get an opportunity even though they are living in the capital. People who spend their time looking for a
job
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 are greater than the
job
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 vacancies available.
Thus
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,
this
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 might cause a rise in unemployment, and, even worse an economic downturn. There are some ways to tackle
this
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 problem. A sufficient distribution of the
job
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 market may offer a solution to
this
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 concern.
On the other hand
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, we are limited in our capacity to take extensive actions. The government should be the one responsible in the first place. Rearrangement of the
job
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 vacancy employment is required to improve the chance of getting employed. Through
this
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 action, not only the number of unemployed individuals will reduce, but
also
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 economic growth will be in a stable phase.
To conclude
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, the root cause of urbanization is the people's desire to get a better
job
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 and life than the possibility present in the rural areas. If we do not concentrate on
this
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 problem, it will be possible to cause a high number of jobless and affect the economy. A satisfactory answer to
this
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 occurrence would be an improved reorganization of the occupation field by the government.
Submitted by Qia on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task response, aim to include more specific real-world examples that directly support your points. Broad statements can be strengthened by referencing studies, statistics, or notable cases that clearly illustrate the problems and solutions you discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state the main idea you will discuss. This will help guide the reader through your argument and improve overall coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. This will aid in creating a more cohesive and fluid argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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