In recent years, the number of crimes comitted by young people in majoe cities throughout the world is increasing. discuss this issue. give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#years #crimes #people #majoe #cities #world

Crime is a deep-rooted

issue

that plagues many countries around the globe. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent years, the amount of crime has been on the rise, causing widespread concern among policymakers and the public alike and to make it worse, nowadays there are a lot of

youngsters

that become perpetrators. The group of people that are supposed to continue the success of the nation commit

crimes

such

young

Correct article usage

a young

show examples

age. Looking deeper

Change preposition

into

show examples

my nation, Indonesia, there are a lot of

crimes

for

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

cyber bullying

Correct your spelling

cyberbullying

show examples

, wild racing and street robbery

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

are

Correct pronoun usage

which are

show examples

mostly done by

youngsters

underage. I will explore

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

why

youngsters

commit

crimes

and suggest some potential

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

to tackle

this

issue

in the upcoming paragraphs. There are several factors that trigger

this

issue

To begin

with, economic problems,

for

instance

Add the comma(s)

instance,

show examples

poverty and unemployment are key factors that drive people to commit

crimes

. Individuals who are unable to make ends meet through legitimate means often resort to illegal activities to support themselves and their families. Countries with higher poverty rates tend to have higher crime rates.

Secondly

, promiscuity

also

plays a significant role in

this

issue

. No matter how behave

youngsters

are in their home,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

when they are outside without control from their parents, there are possibilities for them to join and follow

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy societies. Wild racing, bullying or

Correct your spelling

cyberbullying

show examples

cyber bullying

Correct your spelling

cyberbullying

show examples

, street robbery, free sex, drug addiction and alcoholism are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

example

Fix the agreement mistake

examples

show examples

crimes

caused by promiscuity

Submitted by myra.wirawan on Wed Mar 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance your essay, focus on establishing a more structured logical flow between paragraphs. Your ideas should smoothly transition from one to the next, clearly linking them through proper use of transitional phrases or sentences.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened by clearly restating the problem and summarizing your arguments more succinctly in the conclusion. It helps solidify your position and provides a strong finish to your essay.

coherence cohesion

To improve your score, ensure that your main points are supported by more detailed examples or explanations. This deepens the reader's understanding and strengthens your argument.

task achievement

Your essay partially fulfills the task by discussing reasons behind youth crime and suggesting solutions. To improve, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt by offering more detailed solutions and explicitly linking them to the discussed reasons.

task achievement

Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by expanding on them with specific, relevant details. This can be achieved by including more examples from a broad perspective or citing studies/reports to back up your arguments.

task achievement

Use specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points. While you mention examples specific to Indonesia, adding comparative examples from other contexts could enrich your argument and demonstrate a wider understanding of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

240 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In recent years, the number of crimes comitted by young people in majoe cities throughout the world is increasing. discuss this issue. give reasons and suggest some solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The only way to improve road safety is to have stricter punishments for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely succesfull at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+