IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the number of visitors in the UK and their average spending from 2003 to 2008.

The table below shows the number of visitors in the UK and their average spending from 2003 to 2008.
The table gives information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 the United Kingdom and their average
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 between 2003 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 and their average spending relatively increased over the period. Starting from 2003, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was recorded at 24.715
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. After that, 11.855
Use synonyms
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
 billions was spent with a total average spend
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 475
Use synonyms
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to that,
people
Use synonyms
 usually had 8.2
nights
Use synonyms
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 31.88
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 visited the UK in 2008. From that data, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had a significant
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 from 2003.
Then
Linking Words
, the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
 experienced an increase to 16.323
Use synonyms
pound billions
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds billion
show examples
 and 511
Use synonyms
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the average
Use synonyms
nights
Correct quantifier usage
number of nights
show examples
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
reduced
Add a missing verb
was reduced
show examples
 to 7.7
nights
Use synonyms
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
. In conclusion, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in the UK increased from 2003 to 2008.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the amount of money spent
also
Linking Words
 rose significantly from time to time.
However
Linking Words
, the average
nights
Use synonyms
 per
Use synonyms
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
show examples
 had a slight decrease
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to 2003.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, visitors, pound, visits, nights with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: