Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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competitive age world,
money
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and
appearance
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make everything become easier. A part of society believes
this
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viewpoint
while
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others think hard
work
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and
determination
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will gain
success
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.
This
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writer is going to discuss both views and give my opinion. First of all,
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
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and
determination
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play important roles in
success
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. Lack of knowledge can be solved by being determined.
For example
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, students who graduated from university after three years could have wages as same as citizens who worked since graduated from high school
while
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professionals learning more than five years at university could have a triple wage.
Consequently
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, hard
work
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is a essential skills that allow individuals to solve complex problems and reach long-term goals. Another point of view, beauty and
money
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's influence increased dramatically recently. One of the main reasons is that it is hard to start a business or be
public
Correct article usage
a public
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figure without financial
sources
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resources
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.
For instance
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, audiences tend to be attracted by pretty celebrities and individuals who leave an impression in their minds, so activists with attractive looks have a huge advantage in the industry. From my point of view, finances and
appearance
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may be an insufficient feature to achieve true
success
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. If that person does not have satisfaction and motivation to
work
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, they will have difficulty pursuing the path of
success
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.
However
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, having
determination
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and knowledge can easily help people being promoted and gain respect.
Hence
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knowledge and ceaseless effort are the most crucial elements to move up our career ladder. Taking everything into account, it is true that
money
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and
appearance
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are two vital keys to someone's
success
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,
money
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and
appearance
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can facilitate people in their careers but
success
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only can be achieved through hard
work
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and
determination
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.
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Task Achievement
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear central idea and that examples or explanations provided directly support this idea to enhance the relevance of your examples.
Task Achievement
Focus on providing a more balanced discussion by devoting equal development to both views presented in the question prompt. This will ensure a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases beyond just 'first of all,' 'another point of view,' and 'from my point of view.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Endeavor to clearly outline your opinion in the introduction, reinforce it in the body paragraphs, and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger, more cohesive argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and to ensure the use of the correct tense and agreement between subject and verb.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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