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Band 4.5

The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems?

#cars #cities
Cars
 are one of the essential inventions that play a great role in our lives today. We can not imagine living without them a single day as they are used for
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 and travelling, especially in major cities, so the amount of
cars
 in megapolises
are
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is
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 increasing day by day but how does
this
 affect
on
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apply
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our lives? To start with,
cars
 are a very required attribute of our life,
however
, there are quite a lot of problems they can cause as pollution, which is the major problem of each top city. Because of the frequent use of vehicles in major cities, especially of those which are on petrol, the air is immensely polluted.
This
 can influence badly to the health of citizens causing
such
 problems with respiratory tracts as asthma.
As the
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The
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 compelling reason
to
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for
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 that,
Almaty
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is Almaty
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 is one of the
highly
Correct quantifier usage
most highly
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 polluted megapolises in the world. From the higher sights as Koktobe, you can see the smog very well,
thus
 you can see clearly the effects of using
cars
. Another problem that
cars
 can cause, is noise pollution. The hustle and bustle of large cities
,
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apply
show examples
 distract
people
 from having rest or even working properly which may
enhance
Verb problem
cause
show examples
people
 to be stressed. So, to solve these problems the government should take
actions
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action
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 as soon as possible.
For instance
, it should motivate
people
 to use electric
cars
instead
 of regular
cars
 so to decrease the
fume
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fumes
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 they produce.
Moreover
, it should to motivate
people
 use bikes as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 means of commuting.
Submitted by ali_naz on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the problems and solutions you will discuss. The introduction in your essay is somewhat broad; consider specifying the main points from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by explanation, examples, and a concluding sentence where applicable. While your essay provides relevant ideas, more detailed examples would enhance clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay with clear transitions between paragraphs. Although your essay progresses from problems to solutions, smoother transitions would enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more structured conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces the solutions proposed. The conclusion in your essay is missing, which affects the coherence and task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traffic congestion
  • Commute
  • Air pollution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Health issues
  • Road accidents
  • Vehicle density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Green spaces
  • Noise pollution
  • Public transportation
  • Non-motorized transport
  • Congestion charges
  • Traffic management
  • Carpooling
  • Electric/hybrid vehicles
  • Urban planning
  • Emissions
  • Cyclist lanes
  • Pedestrian zones
  • Infrastructure
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