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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What are the potential disadvantages of being self employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case #self
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In recent years, self-employed has become more widespread among people.
However
, high
income
 and floating
work
time
 offer certain advantages, but not having
income
 guaranteed sparked considerable concern. In
this
 essay, I will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed before that concluding the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. The first reason is high
income
. part of society when constructing their company and had been self-employed they can have high
income
 because the payment is not fixed and monthly. Actually, the companies have different employees with fixed salaries
according to
 the law.
For example
, the founders of big companies
such
 as Apple and Tesla have very high incomes and do not have limited law salaries. The next reason is having floating
work
time
. part of society when constructing their company had been floating
work
time
. They do not need to early wake up to go to the workspace, they can go on a trip with permission themself and
also
, and they do not have a timetable for forced
work
 for the week. The disadvantage is do not have
income
 guaranteed. Self-employed to increase
overall
 sales and
income
 consistently performs well and often stays late to make sure that deadlines are met.
Also
, they may not have
income
 monthly and it is disappointing.
For instance
, part of companies
such
 as Intel forced layoffs of their employees and nearly failed. In conclusion,
while
 self-employed offers undeniably high
income
 and floating
work
time
 these advantages are overshadowed by the significant failure risks.
Therefore
, I believe that the government should implement some policies to enhance the positive effect of employment and increase the number of
found
Correct your spelling
funds
show examples
 for these persons.
Submitted by jingelbing on

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coherence cohesion
Make the introduction more clear by specifically stating the main points that will be discussed. This will improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive ideas and develop your points further to enhance clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Good attempt at providing an introduction and conclusion.
complete response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of self-employment.
logical structure
The essay makes a good effort in logical structuring.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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