Technology is destroying social interactions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is widely affirmed that
technology
advancements have been tearing apart social Replace the word
technological
bonds
for the last
decade. While
digital communication has permitted to entail
relationships across Verb problem
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
boarder
, it Correct your spelling
borders
definetly
compelled Correct your spelling
definitely
people
to relay
entirely on their digital devices (Correct your spelling
rely
cellphones
and computers). Correct your spelling
cell phones
This
essay agrees partially with this
statement. Furthermore
, I will dwell upon the reasons of
why I think Change preposition
apply
its
necessary to strike a balance between face-to-face interactions and digital ones.
First of all, it is widely positive the impact of Replace the word
it's
it is
bordeless
communications. Inventions Correct your spelling
borderless
cordless
such
as social media or videocall
applications like Correct your spelling
video call
zoom
or Capitalize word
Zoom
skype
permitted Capitalize word
Skype
people
to interact with others; regardless of their country of residence. Nowadays, a plethora of persons
can communicate effectively if they have a reliable internet connection and a technological device with a camera and microphone. Replace the word
people
For example
, due to
the restrictions imposed during the Pandemic in 2020, people
were not allowed to have social gatherings, or even leaving
their houses at all. Wrong verb form
leave
Hence
, they resorted to have
Change the verb form
having
videocalls
Correct your spelling
video calls
in
apps Change preposition
via
such
as Meet, Zoom, or FaceTime, in order to sustain their social bonds
and friends circles. This
could only has
been possible Change the verb form
have
due to
the technological advancements made on
the past couple of decades. Change preposition
in
According to
a study made by The Guardian, 99% of the people
during COVID, kept updated with their peers or friendships through videocalls
or text messages. Some of them even as well created their own social gatherings through the "metaverse", a virtual place where their avatars could reunite with each other in Correct your spelling
video calls
this
virtual world.
While
I totally think technology has changed things for the better, it is quite important to remark the
importance of face-to-face interactions. We are social beings, and is pivotal to not Change preposition
on the
relay
entirely on our mobile devices for making connections with each other. Correct your spelling
rely
Moreover
, social gatherings are fundamental for humans, on the grounds that the bonds
and connections made personally are grounded in reality. This
could enhance our dopamine levels, as well as
its benefitial
for evading addictions to virtual screens. To illustrate, some individuals could become addicted to their virtual world, whether Correct your spelling
benefit
is
through social media apps or interactive Unnecessary verb
apply
videogames
; friendships that they have created through those virtual channels will mostly, stay virtual, Correct your spelling
video games
priving
those individuals Correct your spelling
preventing
to develop
social skills based on Change preposition
from developing
real life
scenarios. It is quite different to the Add a hyphen
real-life
bonds
that we make with childhood, work or university friends.
To conclude
, real life
interactions have been deeply Add a hyphen
real-life
influeced
by technology, Correct your spelling
influenced
however
, I do not agree entirely with this
being a drawback as a whole for social connections. Moreover
, I do think it is important to have a balance between the
virtual reality and the real one, to reckon Correct article usage
apply
the
force of Change preposition
with the
real life
friendships, in order to develop ourselves as human beings, parallel to incorporate these new technologies to expand our experience in the today's society.Add a hyphen
real-life
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task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic, but could benefit from a more nuanced approach. Introduce a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that specifies the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
task achievement
Expand and deepen your argument with more specific and varied examples. While you've provided good examples, including more diverse evidence could further strengthen your response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by more distinctly organizing paragraphs around single main ideas. Use topic sentences to introduce the focus of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make more consistent use of linking phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Though you've introduced and concluded your essay, refining these sections to more sharply highlight your argument's progression could enhance its effectiveness. Consider directly restating your main points and stance in the conclusion, ensuring a strong finish.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.