IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent days,
people
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 are buying more and more
products
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 because of the growth in advertising rather than buying out of necessity. I agree with it.
However
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, I
also
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 believe that the facilitation of delivery methods has
also
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 played a big part in
this
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 role.
First,
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companies are investing heavily in advertising because they can see that the
return
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 has been guaranteed.
For instance
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, they are targeting social media influencers, which are
people
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 with a large number of followers on the internet, to promote their
products
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.
Consequently
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, with the boom of the internet,
people
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 became more exposed to
products
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 and eventually to more promotions and sales.
Therefore
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, many are shopping sometimes just because they saw someone famous promoting the product and thought it was cool,
instead
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 of buying something useful.
Second,
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delivery plays a crucial role in
this
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 increase in goods sales.
That is
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 because, with online orders in demand, companies
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to adapt and become more flexible with their customers. Companies are offering free delivery and
return
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 of goods bought online.
Therefore
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,
people
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 feel compelled to buy as much as they want and may or may not
return
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 it.
This
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 easy access to
products
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 increases the temptation to buy more.
Moreover
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, the
return
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 can be taken from the buyer's house. In conclusion, recently, the number of consumer goods has increased dramatically, showing the power behind advertising and not much of what
people
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 need. I believe that not only does advertising make sales go up, but it is
also
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 an easy way to receive the
products
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 at the designated place.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear, concise, and related to the topic. Although present, these sections could be more engaging and impactful.
Logical Structure
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. Consider using clear paragraphing, with each paragraph focused on a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
Supported Main Points
When providing examples, ensure that they are specific and directly support your main points. Your essay occasionally uses vague or general examples. More detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
Complete Response
To fully address the task, make sure your essay thoroughly covers all parts of the question. While you've touched on the role of advertising and delivery, you could delve deeper into how these factors specifically influence consumer behavior. This would make your response more comprehensive.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Try to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This means developing your points fully and ensuring they directly relate to the question. Your argument would benefit from clearer exposition and deeper analysis.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. While your essay references advertising tactics and delivery services, providing more detailed examples could significantly enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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