People’s lifestyles are becoming unhealthier in many countries. What can governments do to reverse this, and which of those actions is most likely to be successfully carried out by those governments?

In recent years, the throwaway lifestyle has become one of the most serious
health
problems among
people
of all ages.
This
is caused by several reasons including processed food consumption and lack of physical activities. In
this
essay, I will discuss the reasons why
people
in many countries live in unhealthy ways and suggest some solutions for the government in order to solve
this
situation. There is an irrefutable fact that unhealthy lifestyles
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
due to
some main reasons, including overworking. The increasing amount of work has led modern
people
to numerous mental
health
problems
such
as exhaustion or burnout, and they tend to choose fast food for meals
instead
of home-cooked meals.
This
leads to long-term consequences as their diet contains a high proportion of fat and causes obesity.
Furthermore
, lack of exercise is
also
another problem which could destroy our
health
. A study of some students at the University of Education showed that not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
but
also
older
people
prefer staying at home and working with their
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
to exercising, even though
having
Verb problem
being
show examples
seated in front of the screen too long without doing exercise causes several physical difficulties
such
as short-sightedness.
According to
those problems, I would like to suggest that the government should expand the citizens’ knowledge about things they could do to have a better lifestyle, and
also
pay attention to the effects which
throwaway
Correct article usage
a throwaway
show examples
lifestyle could
affect
Verb problem
have on
show examples
mental
health
.
Moreover
, governments should
also
adjust the working hours for all businesses in order to balance between the work and life of all the employees. Once governments
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
balance the working time, there will be more chances for
people
to prepare
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their daily meals and do exercises regularly.
This
could be considered as the most important solution that governments should do immediately. In conclusion,
it is clear that
many
people
are in disregard of their own way of living. Unhealthy lifestyles could be reduced if the government could popularize information about better ways of life and introduce new laws about working hours.
Submitted by conghoanglan312 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
A more direct approach to answering the question will enhance the essay. Clarify how each suggested solution directly addresses issues of unhealthy lifestyles and make the connection between causes and solutions more explicit.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices and paragraphs structuring techniques to improve the flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
While the examples provided enhance the argument, integrating more specific statistical evidence or case studies could strengthen the support for your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: