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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph compares the number of international students enrolled at Cathedral School, divided by their country of origin.

The graph compares the number of international students enrolled at Cathedral School, divided by their country of origin.
The graph illustrates the country of foreign students who are enrolled in Cathedral
School
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 from South America decreased slightly between 1998 and 2001.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are
similarity
Replace the word
similar
show examples
 trend
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 students from South East Asia, Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East, and Europe that increased slightly in 2000. On one hand, individuals from South America who
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 to study in Cathedral
School
Use synonyms
 drop slowly between 1998 and 2001. In 1998,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South
American’s
Change noun form
American
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 started at 15
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
. Afterwards, the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 from South
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
 to get
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 5
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 in 1999.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the two years after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the
individuals
Correct quantifier usage
number of individuals
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
 region decrease slightly
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 7
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, students from
South
Correct your spelling
Southeast
show examples
 East Asia, Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East, and Europe have
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
. In 1998, people from Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East who
enroll
Wrong verb form
enrolled
show examples
 in Cathedral
School
Use synonyms
 started at 11
persons
Use synonyms
 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 slowly until almost 10
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 in 2001. Afterwards, the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
number of students
show examples
 who came from South Asia
after decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10
persons
Use synonyms
 in 1999, they
are increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 gradually
over
Change preposition
to over
show examples
 25
persons
Use synonyms
 in 2001. In the
last
Linking Words
, the number of
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
come from Europe
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 slightly
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 10
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 before the graph
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 slightly
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 5
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 in 2000.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, persons with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 5 times.
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