IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many students live with their families while others go to another city to study at university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of both scenarios. Include relevant examples in your answer.

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Recently , most
students
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stay
Wrong verb form
have stayed
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 in their families' houses,
while
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 other
students
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 are moving abroad to
study
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 at university .
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of both aspects.
To begin
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 with , the positive side of staying in your parent's house is never feeling alone , because being with your family often prevents
this
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 feeling .
Moreover
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, if
students
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 are living with their families , it would be a
motivated
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motivating
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 environment for them to
study
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 , especially when they face difficulties at university .
For instance
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, they can ask their siblings to assist them with their assignments or consult them about certain topics .
However
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 , there is a downside which is a lack of
self-relience
Correct your spelling
self-reliance
,
therefore
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 excessive
relinence
Correct your spelling
reliance
 on their families creates a person who cannot do anything by himself or make important decisions.
On the other hand
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 , there are multiple benefits of moving outside the city to
study
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 , one of them is teaching
students
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 various things like self-confidence and self-reliance. Because they stay alone without any help from their family , they will find a way to solve their issue . A good example of
that is
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 studies show 70 per cent of
students
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 who are living abroad have more confidence to make their own decisions, unlike those who rely on their family all the time .
However
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 , a significant drawback is isolation , when
students
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 tend to live alone for a long time it will lead to isolated them from social communication
especially
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, especially
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 with their family .
To sum up
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 , it is true that staying at home around your family can be beneficial but it might be harmful as well . Regardless of distance
study
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 separate from home can lead to isolation, but it could be better to improve your confidence. Ultimately, I believe that the advantages of staying at home with your family outweigh the disadvantages

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Explicitly connect each argument to your main thesis throughout the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points more vividly, which will strengthen your task achievement score.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are mostly well-structured and supported by examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Emotional support
  • Independence
  • Self-reliance
  • Familiar environment
  • Social experiences
  • Responsibility
  • Personal growth
  • Homesickness
  • Financial strain
  • Diverse cultures
  • Networking opportunities
  • Family expectations
  • New identity
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