The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The two maps
illustrates
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illustrate
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the
situations
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situation
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of a public
park
named Grange
Park
at its first opening in 1920,
as well as
its present redevelopments. It is
appearent
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apparent
that there
are
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have been
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significantly
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significant
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changes during
decades
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the decades
show examples
.
One
of the
promenient
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prominent
variation
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variations
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is the added rose garden surrounded by four seat areas
of
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in
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four directions,including west,south,east and west. It is located in the right centre of the whole
park
which used to be a fountain.In terms of the western part,the stage for musicians
were
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was
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replaced by an amphitheatre for concerts which relatively covers larger areas.Apart from that, a water feature
are
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is
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constructed at the bottom right-hand corner and the former glasshouse has
displaced
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been displaced
show examples
.What's more,the previous pond for water plants situated at the top right-hand corner was taken place by a children's play area.
Except
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Except for
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the north and south entrances,there are
also
some minor modifications of the Gange
Park
.
One
of them is the position adjustment of the rose gardens. There used to be three equal rose gardens in 1920 and the total amount has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased by
one
.The
westeastern
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west eastern
west-eastern
one
remains unchanged but the central
one
are
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is
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extended,and the
one
previously near the pond was taken place by a cafe.
In addition
,there were
five seat
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five-seat
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areas sited
on
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in
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the
surround
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surrounding
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of the
park
,but now they are collected and
consentrated
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concentrated
around the central rose garden.
Besides
,
a
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an
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entrance underground car
park
is
also
built on the southeastern edge. In summary,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Grange
Park
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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dramatically redesigned after 1920,particularly for the
constructions
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construction
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of the amphitheatre,central rose garden and water
feature
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features
show examples
,making it a more attractive place for tourists.
Submitted by 1320493878 on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the changes. A more logical structure will help the reader follow your comparison more easily.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a good introduction and conclusion. However, try to ensure that the conclusion summarizes the key points more distinctly, emphasizing the contrast between the park in 1920 and today.
task achievement
While you addressed most features, ensure you clearly compare each aspect of the park from 1920 to the present. Use comparisons more explicitly to highlight the transformations.
task achievement
Your descriptions are comprehensive, but strive for clarity and precision in language. Avoid repetition and strive for more varied sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and typos. These can detract from the overall quality of your writing. Proofreading can help eliminate these issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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