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Writing Samples
Band 7

In today's busy world, maintaining a good work-life balance has become increasingly difficult for many people. What are the main reasons for this problem? What solutions can help people achieve a better work-life balance?

In recent society, more and more individuals have been struggling to maintain a good
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. In
this
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 essay, I will look into the problems in detail, and
then
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 propose some solutions. One of the biggest problems of difficulties in maintaining a healthy routine is that the high expenses are complicating inhabitants` living conditions.
In other words
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, many people, especially the poor, find their living conditions challenging
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high expenses,
such
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 as utility bills or the rising costs of food products.
As a result
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, residents are working more without any day off or week off,trying to avoid the high costs.
For example
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, in accordance with some recent reports, 67% of citizens of Jakarta are earning average salaries from working in two or three professions. To tackle
this
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 issue, the government should create special social programmes which compensate for living conditions. Another major problem of difficulties in maintaining
work
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 and life harmony is that companies are demanding their employees to
work
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 long hours.
That is
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 to say, more and more individuals are working more and longer hours because of the company`s demand for
work
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.
This
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 tends to make people become isolated from their families and relatives.
For instance
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, a person, who works in a company like Nike or Adidas as an employee, works from morning to night in manufacturing and designing. The solution for the government could be to enforce penalties on firms which require overworking. By way of conclusion,
although
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 maintaining a good separation between
work
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 and life is hard or challenging, it seems to me that
this
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 problem can be dealt with by punishing businessmen who require employees to overwork and creating special social programs. I believe that the main responsibility for
this
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 matter lies with the state and some associations.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer outline of your arguments in the introduction to enhance the logical flow of ideas. This helps guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
While the examples you provided are relevant, adding more specific data or studies could strengthen your arguments further and provide clearer support for your claims.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic directly and demonstrates a clear understanding of the issues surrounding work-life balance.
coherence and cohesion
You have made an effort to structure your paragraphs clearly, each addressing a specific point regarding the challenges of work-life balance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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