IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that young children benefit from going to nursery school before starting primary school. Others think it is better for young children to stay all day with their families. Siscuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people believe that toddler is better to start from
nursery
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 rather than primary
school
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.
While
Linking Words
 the others think staying all day with family is more beneficial.
Nursery
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 has more
structure
Replace the word
structured
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 programs for young
children
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 to learn better,
while
Linking Words
 being with family is
also
Linking Words
 important
Change preposition
at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 to get to know family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 better.
This
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 essay will discuss
further
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 about these two views
.
Rephrase
further.
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 Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 are worried whether their
kids
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' growth
are
Change the verb form
is
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 left behind or not.
Therefore
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,
nursery
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 schools offer different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of programs for young
children
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 in order to maximize their learning.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
parents
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 put their
kids
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nursery
Use synonyms
 schools because they
also
Linking Words
 want their
children
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 to more.
For example
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, the
kids
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 are given small tasks to become responsible like cleaning their class. Not only that, they can have more friends in the
school
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 and learn to socialize.
On the other hand
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, some
parents
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 believe it is better for their
kids
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 to stay with them until a certain age. Most of the
parents
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 think they know how to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 better rather than the
nursery
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school
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. Not only that, these
parents
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 do not want to spend more money on
early age
Add a hyphen
early-age
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 education as it costs too much.
Furthermore
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, learning
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to socialize and
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 can be acquired at home.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
kids
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 apparently know how to fold their shirts, clean their
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
, and make their
bed
Fix the agreement mistake
beds
show examples
.
In addition
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 to that, they still can socialize with
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
kids
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. To summarize, I believe
parents
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 know their
children
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 better than others. There are many ways to give
children
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best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 education.
Children
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 can adapt and grow in different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of environments.
Therefore
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, we should respect the
parents
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' decision whether they want to keep their
children
Use synonyms
 around the families or put them in
nursery
Use synonyms
 schools.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical flow of ideas. Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs. Try to introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure that all sentences within a paragraph are coherent and support the main topic.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task prompt. Clearly discuss both views presented in the prompt, and provide a reasoned argument for your own opinion. Include specific examples to support your points, and ensure that your opinion is clear and well-supported throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • early education
  • social skills
  • learning environment
  • structured curriculum
  • prepare for
  • interactive learning
  • emotional support
  • bonding
  • individualized attention
  • homely atmosphere
  • flexible schedule
  • cultural values
  • familial values
  • personal opinion
  • weigh the pros and cons
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