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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many working people get little or not exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #exercise #work #health
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A large part of society is not participating in sports
activities
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,
consequently
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, they are facing health issues.
This
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 can be
due to
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 the busy
work
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 schedule of
people
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 nowadays and a possible solution is to encourage them to set some
time
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 apart in their after-
hours
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 in order to engage in these
activities
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. The small number of individuals who
work
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 out can be a result of the fact that they spend most of their
time
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 at
work
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. Exercising is an activity that demands a high level of energy.
however
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, most
people
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 will feel tired after sitting on a chair for 8
hours
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 and need to rest at home and spend
time
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 with their families or do some fun
activities
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 with their friends and acquaintances, so little
time
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 would be left for exercise.
According to
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 a recent study , the number of
hours
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people
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 spent at
work
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 was inversely proportional to the
time
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 they spent at the gym. A possible answer to
this
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 problem is to allocate the weekend and leisure
time
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 to
activities
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 that involve some movement in our bodies. One way to do
that is
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 to start walking to places that are not so far away from us
instead
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 of driving a car or using public transportation . Another one is to not go to cafes and restaurants which make us remain
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same place for
hours
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 and
instead
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, engage in
activities
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 that are not only interesting but
also
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 increase our blood pressure,
such
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 as jogging, walking or even climbing a mountain.
This
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 can look mundane or dull at
first,
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but we can think of innovative ways to make it more exciting for ourselves,
such
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 as walking through the aquarium, and nature or exploring different parts of the city on foot.
For instance
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, the rate of obesity has been reported to be significantly lower in countries where
people
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 use walking as the main means of transportation. In conclusion, the fact that
people
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 rarely exercise can be impacted by long working
hours
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 and one answer to
this
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 obstacle is to make sure we spend adequate
time
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 doing
activities
Use synonyms
 that make us move our bodies.
Submitted by faragtaj6 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly and directly addressing the question. This will make your argument more impactful.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly by expanding on how busy work schedules specifically prevent physical activity and propose more detailed solutions for incorporating exercise into daily routines.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making the overall structure and progression of ideas more cohesive.
Task Achievement and Coherence
Include a mix of general statements and personal examples to support your arguments. Personal examples make your essay more relatable and compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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