Many working people get little or not exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

A large part of society is not participating in sports
activities
,
consequently
, they are facing health issues.
This
can be
due to
the busy
work
schedule of
people
nowadays and a possible solution is to encourage them to set some
time
apart in their after-
hours
in order to engage in these
activities
. The small number of individuals who
work
out can be a result of the fact that they spend most of their
time
at
work
. Exercising is an activity that demands a high level of energy.
however
, most
people
will feel tired after sitting on a chair for 8
hours
and need to rest at home and spend
time
with their families or do some fun
activities
with their friends and acquaintances, so little
time
would be left for exercise.
According to
a recent study , the number of
hours
people
spent at
work
was inversely proportional to the
time
they spent at the gym. A possible answer to
this
problem is to allocate the weekend and leisure
time
to
activities
that involve some movement in our bodies. One way to do
that is
to start walking to places that are not so far away from us
instead
of driving a car or using public transportation . Another one is to not go to cafes and restaurants which make us remain
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same place for
hours
and
instead
, engage in
activities
that are not only interesting but
also
increase our blood pressure,
such
as jogging, walking or even climbing a mountain.
This
can look mundane or dull at
first,
but we can think of innovative ways to make it more exciting for ourselves,
such
as walking through the aquarium, and nature or exploring different parts of the city on foot.
For instance
, the rate of obesity has been reported to be significantly lower in countries where
people
use walking as the main means of transportation. In conclusion, the fact that
people
rarely exercise can be impacted by long working
hours
and one answer to
this
obstacle is to make sure we spend adequate
time
doing
activities
that make us move our bodies.
Submitted by faragtaj6 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly and directly addressing the question. This will make your argument more impactful.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly by expanding on how busy work schedules specifically prevent physical activity and propose more detailed solutions for incorporating exercise into daily routines.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making the overall structure and progression of ideas more cohesive.
Task Achievement and Coherence
Include a mix of general statements and personal examples to support your arguments. Personal examples make your essay more relatable and compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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