IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many musseums charge for admission while others are free. do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweight the disadvantages?

#musseums #charge #admission #people #museums #outweight
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Nowadays, it is common for many
museums
Use synonyms
 to charge an entrance fee for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
museums
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 do not
doing
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 that.
This
Linking Words
 happens because the
museums
Use synonyms
 need to pay for developments, the employees, the bills, and the other payments. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 situation can give more benefits rather than drawbacks. On the one hand, collecting an admission cost could give
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
 for the
museums
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. The main reason is that it can reduce the sum of
visitors
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. People tend to the
museum
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 to make their
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
 wider, and
also
Linking Words
 they expect some refreshment when they come to
this
Linking Words
 place. Despite coming to the paid
museum
Use synonyms
, they prefer to visit the free admission
museum
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some tourists who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have more
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
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 will come to the free-entrance
museum
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
museums
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 can get more advantages when they charge for admission. The profits that they are collected from
visitors
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be used for them to establish the
museum
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. It is not only for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development, it is
also
Linking Words
 can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 as a charge for some of
reparations
Add an article
the reparations
show examples
 which occur accidentally by the
visitors
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. When the
museum
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 is well-maintained and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some development, the people will tend to come.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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university students prefer to visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 which have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
popularity caused
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the better facilities rather than
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the worst
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
. All things I considered, the advantages of paid
museums
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
overshadow the disadvantages. When
this
Linking Words
 circumstance may make the
visitors
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not want to visit them,
this
Linking Words
 can be profitable because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
maintains
Replace the word
maintenance
show examples
 and reparations bills are covered by the income.
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question asked. Your introduction should outline the advantages and disadvantages briefly, then your body paragraphs should explore these in detail.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, therefore, consequently) and ensure paragraphs are clearly divided and each focus on a single main idea.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more detailed and specific examples. General examples are good, but real-world statistics, studies, or specific museum cases would strengthen your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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