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many musseums charge for admission while others are free. do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweight the disadvantages?

#musseums #charge #admission #people #museums #outweight
Nowadays, it is common for many
museums
 to charge an entrance fee for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
.
However
, the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
museums
 do not
doing
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 that.
This
 happens because the
museums
 need to pay for developments, the employees, the bills, and the other payments. In my opinion,
this
 situation can give more benefits rather than drawbacks. On the one hand, collecting an admission cost could give
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
 for the
museums
. The main reason is that it can reduce the sum of
visitors
. People tend to the
museum
 to make their
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
 wider, and
also
 they expect some refreshment when they come to
this
 place. Despite coming to the paid
museum
, they prefer to visit the free admission
museum
.
For example
, some tourists who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have more
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
show examples
 will come to the free-entrance
museum
.
On the other hand
, the
museums
 can get more advantages when they charge for admission. The profits that they are collected from
visitors
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be used for them to establish the
museum
. It is not only for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development, it is
also
 can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 as a charge for some of
reparations
Add an article
the reparations
show examples
 which occur accidentally by the
visitors
. When the
museum
 is well-maintained and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some development, the people will tend to come.
For instance
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university students prefer to visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 which have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
popularity caused
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the better facilities rather than
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the worst
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
. All things I considered, the advantages of paid
museums
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
overshadow the disadvantages. When
this
 circumstance may make the
visitors
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not want to visit them,
this
 can be profitable because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
maintains
Replace the word
maintenance
show examples
 and reparations bills are covered by the income.
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question asked. Your introduction should outline the advantages and disadvantages briefly, then your body paragraphs should explore these in detail.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, therefore, consequently) and ensure paragraphs are clearly divided and each focus on a single main idea.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more detailed and specific examples. General examples are good, but real-world statistics, studies, or specific museum cases would strengthen your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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