Pop stars earn more than classical music performers. Some people think this is completely reasonable while others think it unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that

music

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has permeated our daily lives.

Also

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, it has sparked heated controversies that many people claim

pop

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stars earn more money than classical

music

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players. I think it is completely understandable with some reasons below Admittedly, classical songs have a positive part which brings endless healing for our emotions.

For instance

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, in many genres of bluster films, classical melody is always the first choice for film producers.

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, that kind of melody has the highest climax compared to other types of

music

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Consequently

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, that helps film producers boost full of drama for their groundbreaking movies.

Besides

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, classical melody plays a vital role in the

music

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industry of the world

due to

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its diversity in emotional sides.

That is

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the reason why classical performers have to play harder to get full emotions from audiences.

As a consequence

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, classical performers can receive the expected salary for their jobs.

However

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pop

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songs still be preferred by the young generation since it has a catchy and trendy rhythm. Nowadays, the

music

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style of youngsters has a tendency to follow trends on social media platforms, which

pop

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stars use for marketing. That leads to young audiences approaching easily that kind of genre.

In addition

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pop

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singers usually have to bear the burden of a nice appearance which is important on the stage.In detail, many idols might experience dangerous cosmetic surgeries which bring them

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fortune in the long period. We can say many fans not only like their

music

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songs but prefer more on their visuals. In conclusion, the significance of classical

music

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is undeniable

due to

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its perfect rhythm and high appreciation from experts. I am of the opinion that

pop

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stars earn more profit because pressures they have to bear for a long time.

okookk123456Fri Mar 08 2024

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task response

Focus on providing a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader through your opinion and analysis. This will make your stance clearer from the beginning.

task response

Try to include a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points. While your discussion around pop stars and social media was relevant, adding more specific instances or statistics could enhance your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Work on transitioning more smoothly between points. Use phrases like 'On the other hand,' or 'Conversely,' to better indicate when you're shifting from discussing one viewpoint to another. This will improve the flow of your essay.

coherence and cohesion

For better coherence, organize each paragraph around a single main idea, ensuring that every sentence within that paragraph supports the main idea. This approach will help your essay to be more focused and easier to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Consider adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that ties the paragraph’s main idea back to the essay's overall thesis. This technique reinforces your points and improves the essay's cohesion.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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