Pop stars earn more than classical music performers. Some people think this is completely reasonable while others think it unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is true that
music
has permeated our daily lives.
Also
, it has sparked heated controversies that many people claim
pop
stars earn more money than classical
music
players. I think it is completely understandable with some reasons below Admittedly, classical songs have a positive part which brings endless healing for our emotions.
For instance
, in many genres of bluster films, classical melody is always the first choice for film producers.
In other words
, that kind of melody has the highest climax compared to other types of
music
.
Consequently
, that helps film producers boost full of drama for their groundbreaking movies.
Besides
, classical melody plays a vital role in the
music
industry of the world
due to
its diversity in emotional sides.
That is
the reason why classical performers have to play harder to get full emotions from audiences.
As a consequence
, classical performers can receive the expected salary for their jobs.
However
,
pop
songs still be preferred by the young generation since it has a catchy and trendy rhythm. Nowadays, the
music
style of youngsters has a tendency to follow trends on social media platforms, which
pop
stars use for marketing. That leads to young audiences approaching easily that kind of genre.
In addition
,
pop
singers usually have to bear the burden of a nice appearance which is important on the stage.In detail, many idols might experience dangerous cosmetic surgeries which bring them
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fortune in the long period. We can say many fans not only like their
music
songs but prefer more on their visuals. In conclusion, the significance of classical
music
is undeniable
due to
its perfect rhythm and high appreciation from experts. I am of the opinion that
pop
stars earn more profit because pressures they have to bear for a long time.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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task response
Focus on providing a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader through your opinion and analysis. This will make your stance clearer from the beginning.
task response
Try to include a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points. While your discussion around pop stars and social media was relevant, adding more specific instances or statistics could enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on transitioning more smoothly between points. Use phrases like 'On the other hand,' or 'Conversely,' to better indicate when you're shifting from discussing one viewpoint to another. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence, organize each paragraph around a single main idea, ensuring that every sentence within that paragraph supports the main idea. This approach will help your essay to be more focused and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that ties the paragraph’s main idea back to the essay's overall thesis. This technique reinforces your points and improves the essay's cohesion.
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