IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that old
employees
Use synonyms
 are important in one organization in order for it to succeed,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that young
employees
Use synonyms
 are the major contributors to their accomplishments.
While
Linking Words
 the proficiency in computers of young
workers
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for a
company
Use synonyms
, I believe that the experience of old
workers
Use synonyms
 can contribute more to their
success
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, young
workers
Use synonyms
' knowledge of technology can give them an advantage over the old
workers
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 is especially beneficial to companies since most of them are now using advanced technologies. Young
workers
Use synonyms
 can learn and operate them easily.
For instance
Linking Words
, most businesses like Facebook and Twitter have young
employees
Use synonyms
. Their knowledge of computers made them one of the most successful institutions in the world.
Thus
Linking Words
, people think that they are important in the
success
Use synonyms
 of the
company
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the years of experience of old
workers
Use synonyms
 can be a great contribution to a
company
Use synonyms
 in order for it to succeed. Their experience made them expert in their field,
therefore
Linking Words
, they do not need much supervision and their chance of committing mistakes is less. They can be a great mentor to other
employees
Use synonyms
 which can help the
company
Use synonyms
 to succeed.
For instance
Linking Words
, most consultants in an institution are old in age, and businessmen consult them first because of their expertise before making a decision.
Thus
Linking Words
, old
employees
Use synonyms
 make a significant impact on the
success
Use synonyms
 of the
company
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 people debate if young or old
employees
Use synonyms
 are more important in the
success
Use synonyms
 of the institution, I believe that old
employees
Use synonyms
 are the key players in the achievement of companies

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or statistics that highlight the advantages of young and old employees. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the logical structure and help to make your essay more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, try to summarize your main points more effectively to reinforce your argument. This could include a brief recap or a compelling final statement which underscores your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • vital role
  • deep understanding
  • valuable assets
  • mentoring
  • wisdom
  • tech-savvy
  • innovative ideas
  • eager to learn
  • fast-paced environments
  • dynamic
  • forward-thinking
  • diverse age range
  • leverage
  • unique strengths
  • harmonious
  • effective team
  • continuous learning
  • innovation
  • stability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: