IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customer travel to large shoping malls to do their shoping. is this a positive or negative development.

#years #shops #customer #travel #malls #development
Nowadays, the majority of
people
 tend to visit large shopping centres and
malls
 to do their shopping because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there are several options
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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available rather than the local shops. I certainly agree that the trend of shopping
malls
 is a quite positive development of
nation
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the nation
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 and
side
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has side
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 effects
of
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on
show examples
 local shops.
This
 essay will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
large shopping
malls
 of benefits and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks of
this
 trend
also
.
To begin
 with shopping
malls
,
People
obtain
Verb problem
spend
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 less
consuming
Correct word choice
apply
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time and transportation
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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. In large shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
, several
kind
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kinds
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 of products are available like clothes, foods and beverages, groceries, children
toy’s
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,
show examples
 and so on. Even, the competitor’s
product
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products
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 are
also
 available to compare the price and quality. In
malls
,
People
 feel comfortable, safe and wider space to
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them pleasure. The Payment method options are numerous through cash, scan code, credit and debit card. In
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
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 season, the
malls
 give
certain
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a certain
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 amount of discounts too
in
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at
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cheaper
Correct article usage
a cheaper
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 price. Nowadays, the cinema theatre is
also
 available to watch the movie with family.
Finally
 yet importantly,
since
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apply
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you can find almost everything on your shopping list at large department
malls
. Seeing the present circumstances, many local shops are closed
due to
people
denied
Verb problem
refusing
show examples
 to visit there. It may have adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on local shopkeepers like
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
fund
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funds
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 to support their family,
Correct word choice
and Affect
show examples
Affect
Wrong verb form
Affecting
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to
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apply
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their
children
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children's
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 education and basic requirements on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. Sometimes it leads to violence and crime
due to
 lack of
fund
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funds
show examples
.
For example
, in
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 countries,
People
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to buy the products in largest shopping
malls
 Because
of
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apply
show examples
mall
facility
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facilities
show examples
 is available everywhere.
Submitted by Nnansucha on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task equally. This essay leans heavily towards discussing the benefits of large shopping malls but offers limited exploration of the negative impacts on local shops. Aim to balance your essay by dedicating equal paragraphs to both viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples. While you mention general benefits and drawbacks of shopping malls and local shops closing, incorporating detailed examples will add depth to your essay. For instance, you could include statistical data, cite specific local shops affected, or describe a personal experience related to shopping malls.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but can be improved in terms of paragraph development. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by supporting details, examples, and a concluding sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main point. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and punctuation. Errors in sentence structure, article usage, and verb tense can distract from your message and impact the clarity of your essay. Consider revising sentences that feel awkward or are grammatically incorrect, and use punctuation to help organize your ideas more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • decline of local economies
  • unemployment
  • vibrancy
  • uniqueness
  • convenience
  • diverse range
  • reduce travel expenses
  • urbanization
  • environmental issues
  • habitat destruction
  • increased pollution
  • cultural identity
  • personal touch
  • competitive pressure
  • niche markets
  • specialty stores
What to do next:
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