IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1998 and 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1998 and 2008.
#show #proportion #people’s #different #commodities #services #european #country
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The provided bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the amount of individual spent on different products and services out of their total expense in a European country in 1998 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
 electronic goods and clothing
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 as highest spent categories and
similarly
Linking Words
, buying
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 / magazines and going to
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
remains
Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
show examples
 as lowest sending in
both
Use synonyms
 years. In 1998, people spent most on electronic goods at 16
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by clothing at 12.
However
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2008 these spending categories
further
Linking Words
 expanded by recording an amount of 20 for electronic goods and 18 for cloths.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
show examples
 of spending
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holidays decreased from 8 to 5 from 1998 to 2008 respectively. Eating out remained the same at 6 during
both
Use synonyms
 years.
Both
Use synonyms
 1998 and 2008
seen
Change the form of the verb
saw
show examples
 the lowest spent in two categories Newspaper / magazine and going to cinema.
While
Linking Words
 it remained lowest in
both
Use synonyms
 years, spending had
further
Linking Words
 reduced from 3 in 1998 to 1 in 2008.
Submitted by sajee_5 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 4 times.
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