Practice 16 Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth for their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that there is an
increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing
trend
that publics
get to know a celebrity from his glamourous
appearance and Replace the word
glamorous
wealth
rather than his real achievement. I partially agree with this
argument because I contend that it contains bias and the majority celebrities
who win their reputation among Change preposition
of celebrities
Correct article usage
the publics
publics
are known for their Fix the agreement mistake
public
achievements
.
For one thing, I hold the view that many celebrities
are known for their wealth
owing to the intense and fast-moving world trend
. With the advent of social media, it is a quite common trend
that some publics
would prefer to watch short pieces of video to save time. This
trend
fosters some actors to record content catching public
Correct article usage
the public
eyes
rather than polishing their skills working on producing masterpieces, an effort Fix the agreement mistake
eye
that is
very time consuming
. Add a hyphen
time-consuming
For example
, some Hollywood movie stars prefer to showcase their luxury houses in Beverley hills
on TikTok to accumulate more viewers, generating more revenue in Capitalize word
Hills
short
time. Add an article
a short
Thus
, those adolescents who are TikTok loyal viewers would be attracted to this
unusual life showcase and AI imbedded digital marketing function will accelerate the information absorption and diffusion. Therefore
, more and more people will get the unrealistic illusion that celebrities
are more famous for their wealth
and ignore their achievements
.
Although
I accept that social trend
should be blamed for Fix the agreement mistake
trends
this
phenomenon, there are still many celebrities
who win lasting
good reputation through their Correct article usage
a lasting
achievements
in their professional domain. For instance
, Elieen
Gu, the Correct your spelling
Eileen
profession
skiing athlete, sets a lasting good model for adolescents and her perseverance personality and strong achievement in sports are promoted by not only Replace the word
professional
Correct article usage
the publics
publics
but Fix the agreement mistake
public
also
the
national authority. Change preposition
by the
Such
type of model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
last
longer
impression Correct article usage
a longer
in
Change preposition
on
audience
than Add an article
the audience
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
celebrities
who capture audiences’ eyes via low class
entertainment because Add a hyphen
low-class
Correct article usage
the publics
publics
are becoming more Fix the agreement mistake
public
critically
and Change the word
critical
skeptically
in absorbing information, particularly well-educated next Change the word
sceptical
generations
.
In conclusion, I partially agree that some Fix the agreement mistake
generation
celebrities
are famous for their wealth
along with
the social trend
but young people are more likely to welcome those who showcase their achievements
and virtue.Submitted by erminelyu on
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task achievement
To improve your task response score, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question posed, maintaining a clear stance throughout. In your introduction, clearly state your opinion, and in the following paragraphs, provide more specific examples and analyses directly linking to how celebrities’ glamour and wealth can set a bad example for young people. Try to explore both sides of the argument if you're taking a balanced view, with each paragraph focusing on a singular main idea to keep your argument structured and impactful.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the logical flow between your ideas. While your essay demonstrates a structured approach, using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can help to smooth out the progression between paragraphs and sentences. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals what the paragraph is about, keeping your argument easy to follow for the reader.
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