IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities
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The main reason they are moving is because they will get more opportunities ahead if they try to work or study in cities. Many big companies are searching for the best talent
nowdays
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nowadays
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 and they
also
Linking Words
 prefer graduates from reputable universities or experienced
worker
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workers
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 in the same field. One of the company's
decision
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decisions
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 is the place the staff will stay, the closer to the city, the better and bigger chance they will accept. One of the
reason
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reasons
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 is
because
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that
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 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 in
city
Add an article
the city
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 very convenient. Many people will rely on
transportation
Use synonyms
 when they want to go
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
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 or work.
Rural
Change preposition
In rural
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 areas
transportation
Use synonyms
 sometimes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 and limited choices of public
transportation
Use synonyms
. In
city
Add an article
the city
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, in case one of the public
transportation
Use synonyms
 has
problem
Add an article
a problem
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, there
still
Add a missing verb
is still
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 other access to their destination. That's why many young people
prefer
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prefer to
show examples
 move to cities even though the rent and lifestyle are extremely high.
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task achievement
Introduction: Begin your essay with a more comprehensive introduction that clearly states the reasons and the stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This establishes a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Concluding Paragraph: Your essay lacks a conclusion that summarises the key points discussed and restates your stance on the advantages and disadvantages. A well-rounded conclusion is crucial for a more coherent and complete essay.
task achievement
Clarity of Ideas: While you have started to discuss reasons for young people moving to cities, expand on these reasons with more detailed examples and explanations. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages in a more balanced way to address all parts of the question.
coherence cohesion
Logical Structure: Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Begin with an introductory paragraph, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific reason or aspect of the argument, and conclude with a summarising paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Linking Words: To improve the flow of your essay, use a variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'However', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast') to connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Supporting Main Points: To strengthen your arguments, provide more specific examples and evidence. This could include statistics, relevant experiences, or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • quest
  • higher education institutions
  • job markets
  • allure
  • healthcare
  • technological and infrastructural advancements
  • personal and professional growth
  • brain drain
  • cultural shift
  • traditional values
  • dilution of cultural identity
  • overcrowding
  • pollution
  • high cost of living
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