Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some people argue that old
employees
are important in one organization in order for it to succeed, while
others believe that young employees
are the major contributor
Fix the agreement mistake
contributors
in
their Change preposition
to
accomplishment
. Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishments
Although
the proficiency in computer
of young Fix the agreement mistake
computers
workers
can be beneficial for a company
, I believe that the experience of old workers
can contribute more to their success.
To begin
with, young workers
knowledge Change noun form
workers'
worker's
in
technology can give them Change preposition
of
advantage
over the old Add an article
an advantage
workers
, this
is especially beneficial to companies since most of them are now using advanced technologies. Young workers
can learn and operate them easily. For instance
, most businesses like Facebook and Twitter have young employees
. Their knowledge in
computers made them one of the most successful Change preposition
of
institution
in the world. Change to a plural noun
institutions
However
,
On the other hand
, the years of experience of old workers
can be a great contribution to a company
in order for it to succeed. Their experience made them expert in their field, therefore
, they do not need much supervision and their chance of commiting
mistakes Correct your spelling
committing
are
less. They can be a great mentor to other Correct subject-verb agreement
is
employees
which can help the company
to succeed. For instance
, most consultants in an instution
are old in age, and Correct your spelling
institution
businessman
consult them first because of their expertise before making a decision. Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
Thus
, old employees
make a significant impact in
the success of the Change preposition
on
company
.
In conclusion, while
people debate if young or old employees
is
more important in the success of the institution, I believe that old Correct subject-verb agreement
are
employees
are the key players in the achivement
of companies.Correct your spelling
achievement
achievements
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Task Achievement
Make sure each paragraph completes its thought. The second paragraph seems to end abruptly without fully elaborating on the potential drawbacks or limitations of relying solely on young workers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce contrasting ideas more clearly to improve the flow between paragraphs. Use phrases like 'Despite these benefits' or 'However, it's important to consider' to bridge your arguments more smoothly.
Task Achievement
To elevate your task achievement score, ensure all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. Your essay should explore both views in equal measure before concluding with your opinion. The abrupt end to the discussion about younger workers might leave readers feeling this viewpoint wasn't fully explored.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words. This not only enhances readability but also strengthens the logical flow of your arguments. Examples include 'On the contrary', 'Furthermore', 'As a result', etc.