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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up to date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#world #resources #products #governments #people #date
In the modern era, there is a heated controversy about whether individuals should be
dicouraged
Correct your spelling
discouraged
encouraged
 to pursue up-to-date
fation
Correct your spelling
fashion
 industry. I fully endorse
this
 statement and I think it can benefit us
various
Change preposition
in various
show examples
 aspects of life.
To begin
 with, the community can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
everything by not purchasing unnecessary items.
Firstly
,
this
 issue
stave
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staves
show examples
 off the extinction of rare animal breeds.
For example
, clothing corporations kill Colombian Lizards to make purses from their skin which can be stopped when
people
 don't buy them.
Secondly
, an ordinate amount of natural
resourced
Replace the word
resources
show examples
 are being utilized to meet the needs of
fation
Correct article usage
the fation
show examples
 industry which
people
 can stop it and
preserse
Correct your spelling
preserve
 these invaluable resources to transfer them to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations by not overbuying
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 they
doun't
Correct your spelling
don't
 need.
Thirdly
, the extraordinary extent of
this
 industry and the quantity of products companies make annually have caused some environmental difficulties which the members of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 can stop
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as well.
Additionally
, making renewable and durable items
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 among the most important targets of
idustries
Correct your spelling
industries
. When a device lasts for more time, individuals are not forced to acquire new ones which saves them a lot of money.
Therefore
, some of that goes to saving
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 and some of it can be devoted to other
people
 which brings peace to society and helps others to be happy and have the same facilities as we have.
Hence
, no talent will be wasted and it is a critical indication of a burgeoning country.
Kindess
Correct your spelling
Kindness
 Wall
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, is one the best plans which encourage
people
 to donate their extra outfits to the
poors
Correct your spelling
poor
 and
counteracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
counteract
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty.
To conclude
, I completely agree that buying unnecessary things is a bad habit that should be eliminated from nations which
centainly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 leads to a lot of advantages that we can not even conceive.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, it's essential to fully address all parts of the task. While your essay presents a clear position and supports it with examples, enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas can elevate your response. Seek to develop your arguments further with more sophisticated reasoning and ensure that your position is consistently clear throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, aim to create a more logically structured essay by clearly sequencing your ideas. Begin with a strong introduction that outlines the main points, follow with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and conclude with a coherent summary of your argument. Additionally, working on the coherence of your essay by linking ideas more clearly and using cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) effectively will enhance readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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